A common question I hear from new birthmothers is “does it get any easier?” It in that question is referring to the immense emotional pain and grief a new birthmother feels.
I un-fondly remember being a new birthmother. Those first few days home from the hospital were so incredibly hard. All I really did was lie around and cry. Your body is still tired from just having given birth and in my case my body was healing from a c-section as well. So aside from just being physically exhausted and worn out, I was on emotional overload.
Being at home and recuperating was terrible. I came home from the hospital on a Sunday and J (hubby now, boyfriend then) had to go back to work on that Monday so I was home alone most of the day. I had problems with my c-section so physically I couldn’t do anything. I was just miserable.
As soon as I got the clearance to go back to work part time and on light duty, I did. I just needed to be out of the house and doing something besides focusing on my grief. Things slowly got a little bit better. Of course, I was still grieving and in emotional anguish, but it wasn’t quite as all consuming as it was when I was at home with nothing to do.
The first weeks, months, and that entire first year post placement were the worst. But does it get any easier??
It’s tough to answer that question because I’m not sure if it gets any easier or if I have just learned how to cope. It’s not as consuming, but there are trigger days (birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day, etc.) that bring it all back so quickly. But I am learning. I know (for the most part) what days will be extra emotional so I try to prepare for them. Although, occasionally an emotional day comes on and just hits me from no where. The grief and sadness is still there (not as intense as in the beginning but still there) I just know how to re-direct it, cope, and deal with it most of the time now.
Other Posts about Common Questions:
Are you a Birthmother?
Did you See or Hold Your Child in the Hospital?
How do you Know Adoption is the Right Decision for You?