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When you get pregnant, everyone has a story, an opinion and a series of statistics to throw at you. When you become unexpectedly pregnant, these stories, opinions and statistics are thrown at you sometimes with a not-so-nice attitude. If you throw an adoption plan into the mix, they multiply in number, coming either with a sugar-coating or a bad aftertaste. Point being that when you’re prengnant, intentional or not, you’re going to be on the receiving end of a lot of unsolicited advice.
Don’t despair. Too much.
It can be difficult to differentiate fact from opinion as you wade through the waters of everyone’s experiences. Sometimes the opinions are easy to spot. Insults are usually opinions. Anyone who is calling you names, degrading you or generally making you feel bad about yourself isn’t likely giving you facts. The gray areas come when well intentioned people tell you things that might not sound positive but might sound true.
Examples include:
- Younger moms have more complicated pregnancies. (True.)
- ANY amount of caffeine while pregnant will result in a child with ADHD. (Not quite true.)
- If you place your child for adoption, you’re a bad person with no heart. (False.)
As you can see, each of these has some basis in truth. However, the way that the information is shared with you skews how you respond to it. If someone tells you, gently and with care, that younger moms have more complicated pregnancies along with tips on how to avoid those complications, you would take it as fact. If someone spouts off to you that you’re damaging your life and your baby’s because your too young to successfully carry a baby without issue, it comes off as an attack-laced-opinion. Moving on, caffeine in moderation is acceptable and, if you’re reading this, my guess is that you’re not a bad person lacking a heart.
One question to ask yourself when faced with someone offering you a statement that seems a bit difficult to swallow is this: does this person have an ulterior motive or agenda? Do you know that person to usually have your best interest at heart? Do they take issue with young mothers, abortion, the adoption industry, public assistance or any other things that you are currently experiencing or considering? Did they lose a baby to pregnancy complications? Were they adopted? Are they adoptive parents? Are they a birth parent? The list of questions goes on that you need to ask yourself before you freak out at the information presented to you. Ask them a few questions after they share their latest opinion or statistic. Sometimes you’ll find that after the offensive comment will follow an interesting story that you actually can benefit from as long as the other person is willing to let their walls fall just a little bit. It’s those stories that can best help you make the decisions that await you on this journey of yours.
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