One would think that the paprents would do their homework and not just use their lawyers to get the post placement stuff handled they would also use them to make sure that the pbirthmother is who she says she is. Now here is another sterotype that we have to overcome.

my heart goes out to thoes couples and what happened to them...having gone the route of just use an atourney i wasnt aware of alot of rights that both the Aparents or myself had. so getting educated on something as huge as adoption is so important. for both parties involved!

I've seen that episode and noticed the use of birthmother before placement too. I meant to email them about that -- I think alerting media folks to the proper terminology is important.

I was still very conflicted by the story -- it's another negative portrayal of bilogical moms involved with adoptions.

Maybe I'm over-protective but I just get mad when folks harp on the stereotypes of birthparents.

I realize this story was important to alert people of internet fraud but it should have balanced with other stories of birthmom's in adoptions. Maybe about open adoption even and the positive and negative impacts of that. Or forced adoptions from the past and how it's affecting the involved parties.

This conversation reminds me of another program I saw that was actually pretty well rounded I need to blog about. :)

Coley, I agree, but my other BIG problem is WHY were these couples giving out money to this woman unchecked? Once money enters into a situation with out proper accountability they were not only setting themselves up for trouble but what about the possibility of Cohercion? I honestly feel like prospective adoptive parents should be prepared with RESOURCES to direct potential birth parents to assist them with needs they might have(Food pantry, preg assist center, WIC, Medicaid...). You know help from an uninvolved third party who has no interest in if she places her baby for adoption or not. Couples should NOT be offering personal cash gifts that they can so easily begin to see as a "contract" of sorts to adopt the baby. I mean how much was that said in the story? "But we gave her money! She was not going to give us her baby, after we gave her money!" Sound unethical? I would hate to think a potential birth mom felt compelled to go ahead and place, even if she had second thoughts because a-parents supplied her with rent and food while pregnant and she did not want to "defraud" them, but unfortunatly it happens. Do not get me misunderstand me, I think what the pregnant woman in the story was wrong. She was working a scam. I would however CAUTION all prospective adoptive parents against doing what those couples did. If assistance is needed by a potential birth mom, first provide contacts & resources, second financial assitance through an attorney or agency who can account to the proper athorities that it has been provided under the allowed law. Go into it understanding that your assitance to a woman with an unplanned pregnancy does not mean that the baby should be yours, it is still up to the mother to place or not. Lastly as desperatly as they might desire a child they need to step back and use their heads, not their hearts.

You basically know my view on this, but I do not mind sharing my view on this show again. First, please do not get me wrong, I do feel bad for the couples that were scammed by that woman. It is hard for me to call her a woman or a lady, because a real woman or lady, would not scam someone like she did. I also feel that if they are going to show couples that have been scammed by pregnant women, they also need to show birth mothers like me that were scammed by the adoptive parents of their child(ren), who promised them contact after the adoption and did not keep that promise. I also feel that the woman should never be called a birth mother. A birth mother is a lady who lovingly placed her child with another family because that is what was best for her child. Or,like me and were forced to give up my child by the state of Colorado(or by their parents, family, etc). She is not and I am sure will never be, a birth mother. I hope my daughter's adoptive parents did not see that show, because it will give them more ammunition to justify their reasoning for not liking me and allowing me any contact with my biological daughter.

I would like to make a few comments about the whole Dateline adoption thing. I happen to be one of the adoptive moms on the show. First of all, I apologize for the misuse of the term "birthmother". Our focus was to raise awareness of this scam and that there are very little if any laws to protect "potential" adoptive couples from those portraying themselves to be "potential birthmothers". I feel this is splitting hairs, though, over this terminology. I guess we were focusing on a bigger picture. Also, my husband and I were matched with this girl through an adoption facilitor. Background work was done, proof of pregnancy was obtained, id obtained, but it all turned out to be forged. We cut ties as soon as we discovered the scam, but $1500 too late. My husband and I were doing our "homework" or else we would have been out a lot more $$ than we were. This still does not excuse this girl for the fraud she committed. As far as balancing this with good pbms, does every murder story balance with a good guy, or every rape story balance with a decent respectful caring man? NO. This story was to raise awareness about this growing problem. There are plenty shows, i.e. Adoption Story, that show the good. We don't expect them to balance with a scam. As far as the money is concerned, that is what made it a scam in this case. She used a false situation for monetary gain. We provided money to help a situation that did not exist. It is not as though she were ever pregnant and just changed her mind and decided to parent. SHE WAS NEVER PREGNANT, despite the medical records with obtained. I have already been through assisting birthmothers who changed their minds in the end. I have never called them a scammer. I have not posted against them. They were not shown or even mentioned on TV. I am all for a birthmother's right to decide to parent. I personally would like to see drastic limits placed on financial assistance provided to PBMs by PAPs. It might would stop a lot of this. Unfortunately, that is not the way our system works at this time. As far as this comment "I also feel that if they are going to show couples that have been scammed by pregnant women" the woman on Dateline was NEVER pregnant. Yes there are pregnant women who pull the same type con, but this girl flat out lied about that too. That belly Lori was pressing on was pure fat - no baby in there. Please keep the focus on what this story was about - to raise awareness and educate others on this type of con. Yes there are many other situations, stories, scams, etc. that need attention, too, but only so much will fit into one hour. The bottom line is that all of us on that show had been robbed, cheated, and lied to by this girl, as well as had our hearts broken over another situation gone bad. If you want to know a glimpse at everything I've been through, then check out my latest posting on www.adoptionscam.com message board. This one on Dateline was not even our worst.

Karen in TX

Let's see ------ 1. The public was NEVER told that this person wasn't pregnant on the origional airing. She was called a "birthmom". 2. The only thing that I keep seeing on the television is paps going on about their child, my baby, when the child has not been born yet.