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Are you already parenting a child or children and are now considering adoption for your unborn baby? Once upon a time before I was a birthmother and a member of the adoption community, I never would have guessed that birthmothers would have children older than the one they placed. I imagine that others who have no connection to adoption think along the same lines. I myself am one of these mothers who were parenting at the time of placement. My involvement in the adoption community since Charlie’s birth and relinquishment has showed me that this is not as uncommon as one might think.
While placing a child for adoption is hard under any circumstances, placing a child where parenting adds some other concerns to the situation because you have to think of how all of this will immediately affect the child you are raising. I also think, in some ways an expectant mother who is already parenting may feel torn between her children – the one she is pregnant with and the one she is parenting. At times, I did feel that way.
Why would an expecting mother consider adoption if she is already parenting a child? Some may think that because she isn’t a first time mother and knows the joys of parenting that she would be more likely to not place her baby for adoption or consider it. But just as she knows the joys, she knows the trials too. Unlike a first time mother, she knows exactly what all is involved with being a parent and may begin to worry about how she will be able to provide for the child she is already parenting and the one that she is carrying.
For example, here are two different scenarios in which these mothers who were already parenting children considered adoption.
K had her first child at 18 and just two years later found herself again in an unplanned pregnancy. She was struggling to make ends meet already. Her first child’s father wasn’t involved and she didn’t have much hope the second child’s would be either. She was exhausted mentally and physically each day and didn’t think she could handle a second child. She decided that adoption for her unborn baby would be the best option and made an adoption plan.
And then there is A who was married with four children. She and her husband had hit hard times financially which also led to a short break up of their marriage. During that separation, A had a fling. She and her husband got back together to try and work things out then A soon found out she was pregnant. Parenting four children and struggling financially was already putting a huge toll on their marriage and their relationships with their children. They decided parenting a baby would not be the best option for any of them including the baby and made an adoption plan.
Regardless of the circumstances surrounding why an expectant mother is choosing adoption, I think that one of the hardest things for an expectant mother in this predicament is how the adoption will effect the child (or children) she is already parenting and how to help that child understand. In my next few posts, we will explore these issues and ways to deal with them.
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Related Posts:
Building a Bond for Siblings Seperated by Adoption
Still Siblings but Seperated by Adoption Part 1 and Part 2
How to Preserve Sibling Ties
