In my continuing effort to bring you words of advice from other birthmoms, here is some wise counsel from Cassie Sala.

Cassie lives in Washington state and is a doula who assists at home births. She is the birthmother of Sam, and the parent of two boys, Canyon and River. Sam’s family and Cassie have a very open adoption, seeing each other regularly.



Here is Cassie’s advice:

“The first thing I thought of when imagining what I would tell a woman in a crisis pregnancy (among many pieces of advice!) is to love that baby inside of them.

Before any decision making, and even after the decision is made (if the decision is to relinquish the child to adoption)...please remember that the baby is a little, innocent, beautiful baby, dependent on you to love and care deeply for him/her, regardless of your decision to parent. I know of some birthmoms who tell me that later, after placing their child, they regretted not acknowledging the child enough in utero. You will give your child such a perfect start in life outside of the womb if you have given your positive light and love while pregnant. It is so very important that babies feel the love of their mom.

It is easy to fall into a rut of denying that a child is even there, if the pregnancy is filled with grief, and hardship. Don't let the child feel that—love your child deeply, and bond with him or her. You will be giving your child such a great start in life if you do!

When I was pregnant, I painted my belly with a smiley face (the yellow "Have a Nice Day") kind. I peeled it off, and saved it in wax paper. To this day, my son (almost 6 now) loves that he was the "smiley face belly." He has pictures of it, and I saved the wax paper to give to him if he ever wants it for nostalgic reasons.

Doing something that celebrates your pregnancy can help you bond with and love your baby. It is the hardest thing to see them go, but you will have good memories to bring out when you need some cheering up, and you will also have the happy feeling that comes when you know you've done something good.”