I often say that there are no books to teach you how to become a birthparent, but in reality, some authors have tried.

One of the better efforts I've seen is Jeanne Warren Lindsay’s Pregnant? Adoption Is an Option: Making an Adoption Plan for a Child. Published in 1996, the book offers a surprisingly progressive view of adoption. It does a better job than most of helping expectant parents weigh their options, while avoiding undue pressure from those who dearly want the baby they're carrying.

Adoption is an Option isn’t a perfect book, but my quibbles with it are minor. Overall, Lindsay understands ethical adoption practices and gives sound advice to people dealing with crisis pregnancies.

The book is heavily based on the experiences of 39 birthparents (and it’s good to see that, unlike most adoption books, this one doesn’t leave out the birthfathers). Lindsay also weaves in the voices of adopted people and adoptive parents, but the focus remains largely on birthparents (i.e., those who have already chosen adoption and are living with the consequences.)

While it’s clear she thinks adoption is a positive thing overall, Lindsay does not take the starry-eyed view. She recognizes that adoption is just one of several difficult and life-altering choices for pregnant women, none of which is a complete win-win situation. She’s very realistic in acknowledging the money-making aspects of adoption, explaining how easily expectant parents can be coerced into adoption, even when that may not actually be the correct decision for them.

Lindsay advocates open adoption over closed, and stresses the importance of professional counseling from an independent source (“You don’t want someone whose main goal is to place your baby with another family,” she writes. “Make sure you have an advocate working for you”). She reassures expectant parents that it is okay to change their mind during the decision-making process (“The adoptive parents will get over it”), and clearly views parenting as a viable option. I especially appreciate that she stresses the need for new parents to remake the decision after the birth, no matter how certain they thought they were beforehand.

Perhaps my favorite thing about this book is its honesty. It doesn’t shy away from the grief, trauma and loss in adoption, or the lasting effects it will have on your entire extended family. Yet it also presents success stories that make expectant parents feel comfortable about choosing adoption, if that is indeed the right choice for them.

If there is one way the book could be improved, it would be to add more information on the legal ins and outs of surrender. Because expectant parents usually don't have their own counsel, they're pretty much on their own in understanding their legal options. A guide such as this should do more to explain how women and men can ensure that their rights aren't trampled during the adoption process.

In the end, though, this is a worthy look at the factors an expectant parent should consider. For, as Lindsay writes, once you have a baby, you will always be a parent. (If you choose adoption, you will no longer be an active parent, but you will still be a parent all the same.) Creating and delivering your baby, as well as making choices on his or her behalf, are all parental actions. Lindsay gives expectant parents credit for the difficulty of the decisions they face, and helps them navigate around the pitfalls of an imperfect adoption industry.

Pregnant? Adoption Is an Option: Making an Adoption Plan for a Child