I came across an interesting thread on the forums recently. This question was asked:

If you can call a pregnant women a mother before the act of giving birth, it certainly stands to reason that you could call a pregnant woman considering adoption a birthmother before giving birth, so why the split hairs?

So, if we can call a pregnant woman a mother before giving birth, why do we have an issue with calling a birthmother a birthmother before she has terminated her rights?

This was interesting to me, as I have always been of the mindset (and still am of this mindset) that a pregnant woman considering adoption is just that – a pregnant woman considering adoption. She’s still a mother. She technically doesn’t become a birthmother until she signs papers relinquishing her parental rights.

I was pleasantly surprised to read that this seemed to be the general conesus of most people posting in that thread, whether they were birthmoms, adoptive moms, or adoptees.

Here are a few comments that stuck out in mind:

I think the important word is "considering." A pregnant woman isn't "considering" becoming pregnant; she IS pregnant.
But a woman considering adoption has not completed the action that makes her a birthmother -- making a decision to relinquish and following through. I've seen many posts that say this adoption decision can come only AFTER the child is born. This ideally conscious choice is what makes her a birth mother (or insert your preferred term here).

I personally feel that using the term birthmom prior to termination of parental rights and even birth is just disrespectful. I think hopeful adoptive parents and adoptive parents who educate themselves and use the proper terms are respectful and recognizing the mother role that the expectant mom has, whether she ultimately chooses adoption or not.

My favorite explanation was shared by another birthmom and I think she summed it up very well and will close with that.

I'm a Birthmom. While I was pregnant I was the Expectant Mother.

The three days in the hospital with my daughter I was the Mother (until I signed my papers relinquishing).

The six weeks until placement I was a Possible Birthmother (I was still able to contest).

After the ink was dry I became The Birthmother.