This week’s Birthmother of the Week is a dear friend of mine, Leigh H. I met Leigh online about two years ago and we bonded first via email and now via late night chats on the phone – usually about the same daytime soap that we are both (unfortunately) addicted to!

Leigh is from the snowy state of Massachusetts and placed her daughter in an open adoption. Leigh’s daughter, J, will turn three on the 17th of this month.


1. How old were you when you placed your child for adoption?

Well, I wasn’t in my teens or 20’s. I was 32 about to turn 33. This was my first child.

2. What circumstances led you to choose adoption?

B (birthdad) and I talked about having kids but he lost a really good job and then we decided to wait J changed things. I wanted B around more but there were events going on with his son and family that was making that hard so we started looking at different options.

3. Did you consider parenting?

Yes, on and off through out my pregnancy and even after her birth.

4. Was your child's dad supportive?

For the most part. I was glad that he was there but he never asked about how the doctor appointments went or how I was emotionally, but he was there when I needed his arms.

5. Were there any influences (parents, birth dad, etc) that led you to your decision?

Yes there were. I didn’t have a good childhood and was told that I wouldn’t be good at anything and those words ran through my head over and over. I was afraid that I would be like my father and use negative words to show my love.

6. Did you choose your child's adoptive parents and how did you choose them?

J was about 2 days old and we were still in the hospital when E, from the agency came up to the hospital and we talked for about 2 hours and then she asked if I was ready to see some profiles that she brought. I said sure and she pulled out about 12-15 profiles and I went through them. I narrowed them down to 4 (I still have them) and knew which one I was leaning towards. B came up that night and I gave him the profiles and we ended up picking up the same couple as our first choice.

7. What type of adoption did you choose and why?

B would only talk about open adoption so I looked for an agency that worked with open adoptions. He said that if we couldn’t raise her then we would know her and she would never wonder about who we were.

8. How do you feel about adoption now?

If given the choice now, I wouldn’t do it. It hurts, every time I get pictures or have a visit, every time I hear her voice. I am not the same person I was before and I know that but since her birth and placement I have been emotional, untrustworthy of everyone around me, second guessing every decision I have made and thought about making.

9. Anything else to add?

Just things that I wish I did while pregnant. I hid my pregnancy and many people don’t know about her. I am not ashamed of her. She is one bright and smart girl but I don’t like the fact that the only person in my family who knows is my brother and sister-in-law. I wish I had more time with her at the hospital. Just a lot of I wish more than anything else.

10. How is your life now?

I am working. I like my job and starting to come out more about J’s adoption. I am finally thinking about dating again. I am becoming active in forums and helping other women who have chosen adoption. I am getting ready to talk to potential adoptive parents at the agency that I used. I am working through al the awful things I was told as a child.

Thank you, Leigh, for taking the time to answer these questions and thank you for sharing your story with us!

Other Birthmoms of the Week:
Tamara
Amy M.
Krissy M.