Part 1

Right after Jennifer placed her daughter Tonya into transitional care, Jennifer absorbed in grief and despair, met up with her husband as the divorce had not yet taken place.

I met up with my husband at the time and spent the night with him. Six week later, I found out I was pregnant. Upon finding out I was pregnant and in the process of placing Tonya, there was never a question that I would place this one. If I could not keep Tonya, at least I could give her a sibling.

The adoptive parents Jennifer had selected for Tonya did know that Jennifer was pregnant, but initially, Jennifer was not allowed (by the adoption agency) to ask them about the second baby, but as she was about one month out from her due date; she asked them if they would adopt the unborn baby too. They of course, said yes. Both placements ended up being six months to the day apart.

Jennifer worked the entire time she was pregnant with her second baby, whom she named Christina, but that was later changed. Jennifer recalls that her co-workers were such a great source of support for her through out the pregnancy and placement.

I worked the entire time I was pregnant and my co-workers were great. They cried with me and gave me cards on my bad days. Seems they always stayed in tune with me and my emotions. They were my strength during that time.

Jennifer divorced her first husband and later remarried someone else and has now been married for seven years. She and her husband have two children together they are currently raising. Their daughter is six years old and their son is two. Some of the same fears that she had when parenting Tonya come back as she is parenting her current children.

Now I have a “you messed it up before” bell that rings in my head and I struggle with whether I could have struggled through and never used adoption or if I was never meant to parent in the first place. It is a continual process.

In hindsight, Jennifer now realizes that she panicked in placing her first two daughters for adoption although she is thankful that they have good parents. She admits that she has cried many tears over the years and says that if she had known then what she knows about life now, she wouldn’t have placed her daughters for adoption.

Jennifer’s daughters are now nine and eleven years old. At this point the only contact she has is yearly letters and pictures from the adoptive parents. She and the adoptive parents have both expressed an openness and willingness to communicate more and the girls can handle it.

In closing, I asked Jennifer if she had any advice to share with expectant mothers considering adoption.

To anyone who is considering adoption, look at all your options. Check all your resources and make sure that the decision is one that you will be able to look yourself in the mirror everyday and be ok with. Make sure that if you do decide to place that you always remember why you did it and hold onto it, because there may be days that it is all you have to keep you going.

Thank you Jennifer for sharing your story with us!


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