So, you’re considering adoption for your baby. In finding prospective parents, is it best to conduct the search yourself, or to contact an adoption agency for guidance? This is a topic of great debate in the adoption community.

Some birthmothers feel glad that they went the private route, because they say it allowed them to have more control over their surrender experience. Others are glad they used an agency, because the agency later provided follow-up services they would’t have otherwise received…things like counseling, mediation, and ongoing support.

On the flip side, some women regret their experience with private adoption because it placed too much power in the hands of the would-be adoptive parents and their lawyer (in private adoption, unless you hire your own attorney, there is no one representing your interests). Another problem with private adoption is that there is little to no education for anyone involved—no books to read, no seminars to attend, no adoptees and birth parents who have gone before you that you can learn from. With private adoption, if you’re going to learn something, you’re going to have to do it on your own.

Other birthmothers have been disappointed with the agency route because, let's face it, there are good and bad agencies out there. In fact, many birthparent activists think that the bad agencies far outnumber the good ones. So what makes a bad agency? Primarily, it's the laundry list of coercive activities: pressuring you to choose adoption, pressuring you to choose certain "preferred" parents, not presenting you with all your option, encouraging you to sign too soon, before you are ready, or not telling you the real meaning of open adoption.

(There is also a third route, going through an adoption “facilitator,” a person who is neither a private attorney nor an agency. In my opinion, this is something that’s best to avoid completely, as facilitation is just too unregulated and filled with potential ethical abuses. )

In my case, I contacted an agency but was so disgusted with their biased approach, lack of choice, and poor to nonexistent counseling that I struck out on my own in a private adoption. Unfortunately, I did not realize that I should have had my own attorney to represent my well-being, and to help me communicate what I expected out of a fully open adoption.

In a future post I’ll talk about what to look for in adoption agency, and how to find the most reputable, ethical organization possible.