For the next month I’ll be in the midst of relocating for a new job, which means I'm not able to post as much as I’d like. To help kick start me into writing more, I recently asked the ladies over at the Unplanned Pregnancy forum for topics they’d like me to address.

Here’s the first request, from Jenna:

"I've recently become interested in how many first parents were told to abort by either a family member or the father of the child, and the reasons as to why they did not do it."

I don’t have any solid statistics here, although a quick web search has suggested that family opinions are the factor with the single strongest impact on how a pregnant woman decides to handle her unplanned pregnancy.

I do know that it is very common for family members and the father of the child to register a strong opinion, either for abortion, adoption or parenting. Very few people seem to be able to stand back and say, "Do what you think is best."

I also know that the positions taken by loved ones can often change during the course of the pregnancy and immediately after.

In my case, because I was not in a relationship with the father of my child, I initially thought of abortion. I made two appointments, but could not go through with them. (I'm not opposed to abortion, but once I was faced with it, I felt like it was something I personally wanted to avoid. I cancelled my appointment twice.)

It was just a subtle feeling I had, that I ought to carry this child and allow him to be born. Beyond that, I wasn't sure what I should do, but I knew I wanted to continue my pregnancy.

I was leaning strongly toward parenting at that point, despite being told by my father that he thought abortion was the smart thing to do. (He now regrets this very deeply. At the hospital, he broke down in tears and asked me to forgive him for how wrong he had been.)

My mother did not think I should abort, but thought adoption was the answer. Again, her opinion on that has changed now that she’s actually had to live with adoption.

My older sister was willing to go with me to the abortion procedure, but didn’t voice much of an opinion about it. She too thought adoption was the best answer.

As for the father of my baby, he did not tell me what to do, but he was leaving the country to serve in the Peace Corps for two years, and wasn’t going to be able to help with daycare expenses or be present for the first two years of our son’s life. So while he didn’t attempt to persuade me into any certain decision, his choices and actions served as another type of pressure. He did seem to think adoption was the answer, and probably still does. He’s also said he is very glad I did not abort our child.

I think the reason I was able to stand up to pressure about abortion (which in my case was far less serious than the heavier pressures toward adoption) is that many people are willing to get behind a person who feels abortion is wrong for them. But very few people feel adoption is a bad thing to do. Quite the opposite, in fact—-most people see adoption as a win-win situation in which the expectant parents get to be free of parenthood while deserving infertile couples get to achieve their dream of having a family. (It’s only after you actually surrender a child that you are seen as a heartless abandoner by some.)

In the end, I think pressures to abort are generally less ongoing and persistent than pressures to choose adoption. People may tell you to abort, and harrass you to do so, but when you don’t, they usually accept your decision and move on. (After a certain time period, they have to.) With adoption (or parenting), they have at least nine full months to talk you into it.

When you abort, it is more of a private decision, and no one gains anything much from it. But when you consider adoption, a whole new family is going to possibly benefit. That means you now have many extra people registering an opinion—-social workers, agency staff, lawyers, facilitators, and hopeful adoptive couples. Most of these people will obviously have a bias as to what you should do. It's a logical and understandable bias, but still a bias.

Well, I hope other birthmoms will chime in here and answer Jenna's question. Were you told to have an abortion, and if so, how did you successfully resist the idea?