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Yesterday, in my expectant fathers post, I was not able to talk about how the involvement of an expectant father can help when available since my son’s birthfather was not involved in the adoption process. 
One of my friends, Leigh, leaned heavily on her child’s birthfather, whom we will call B, during the adoption process. Leigh and B began their relationship in December 2002 and became pregnant in August of 2003, although they were not aware of the pregnancy until November. B already had child support payments that he was having trouble making and together they decided that adoption would be the best choice. He was involved in the decision making process just as much as Leigh was. He insisted on an open adoption saying it was the only way he could do this, meaning the adoption. Leigh recalls, “He said that if we weren’t able to raise her then we would be able to tell her that while we couldn’t do it we looked and chose her parents and stayed in her life.”
During her pregnancy, B was supportive, always checking on her, making sure she ate the right things, went to doctor’s appointments, got enough sleep, etc…
Leigh gave birth to their daughter Jessica four weeks early in April 2004. B was not able to be there with her during labor due to his work schedule but received updates through out the day by telephone and came soon after Jessica was born.
They had not chosen a family yet so Leigh’s counselor from the agency brought 12 profiles or so to the hospital for Leigh and B to look at. They each looked at the stack and chose their favorite but did not tell each other. They ended up choosing the same couple as their favorite pick! Leigh says, “The couple we chose also has the initials L and B. We joke around that we chose them since we all had the same initials!”
Unfortunately, Leigh and B are no longer involved in a romantic relationship but will forever remain friends as they will always share a special bond. Leigh also notes that B was the one who insisted on an open adoption but he has never been to a visit because they are too hard on him emotionally. Leigh does visit their daughter though and makes sure that B knows he is always welcome.
In closing, I asked Leigh if she had anything else to say about B. “I am just glad that he was there. I needed his big arms to hold me up because I don’t think I would be here without it. I still can call him up and get a hug from him anytime I need it.”
Thank you Leigh for sharing your story!
Coley, you did a good job of sharing how B was there for Leigh during her pregnancy. Leigh,thanks for sharing your story with Coley.