Happy Mother's Day to all mothers of every kind. On this holiday, I want to send my sincere good wishes to all the expectant mothers now going through an unplanned pregnancy. Please celebrate today, and do something nice for yourself. You are a mother, and always will be, no matter what your ultimate decision.

Today also seems like the right occasion to share a candid and inspirational story I came across. It's called "Parenting on a Dare: My Decision to Accept Teen Motherhood."

The author, Amy Benfer, got pregnant at age 16, and made the unlikely decision to parent (with a lot of support from her own parents in the first couple of years). She's now a successful writer, and her daughter is 14 years old. Despite the conventional wisdom that any child of a teen mother would always be better off being raised by older, married parents, Amy's daughter does not seem to have suffered from her young mother's decision to preserve their little family.

What I like most about this article is that it shows just how easy it is to second-guess ourselves...especially with a decision as big as abortion, adoption or parenting. In fact, the road to any pregnancy/parenting decision is paved with endless "what-ifs." What if I keep my baby--will he/she be happy and well-adjusted, or will I screw up somehow and cause lasting damage? Will my child be better off with another family, or would he/she prefer to stay in ours? What will cause the least amount of pain for everyone involved? How can I ever really know?

In the article, Benfer is refreshingly honest about her own choice and about what her daughter has lost and gained from her decision. I especially love this passage, about the adoptive family that might have been:

"I am in the strange situation of having known the couple who wanted to raise my child if I had not chosen to do so. I selected them, I sat in their living room, I toured the house and talked with them about their philosophy of child rearing. We haven't spoken in 15 years, but I've heard enough to have an idea of where they are now. I know that in her parallel life, my child would have grown up the daughter of a social worker and a real estate agent in the Northwest. She would live in a four-bedroom house; she would have a summer cottage in the mountains. She would have been allowed to have a dog, and it's likely she'd have a brother and a sister. She wouldn't have seen as much of the world. She may have grown up to be more like the girl I was at her age, a suburban teenager longing for adventure and danger and a more exciting life. She would have been more stable.

I don't know that girl. She isn't my daughter."

For those of us who have already experienced or are now facing unplanned pregnancies, it's tempting to imagine parallel lives for our children, and wonder what might have been. Such daydreams and regrets are probably even beneficial for our mental health. All I know is, Amy Benfer was a mother from the time she got pregnant. Even if she had gone through with the adoption, she could never have erased her motherhood.

Have a happy Mother's Day, everyone!