So, you may be thinking, if I name my child can the adoptive parents change his/her name? Yes, the adoptive parents will be your child’s parents and they have legal rights to change his or her name to a name of their own choosing. Sometimes adoptive parents may keep one of the names that a birthmother gave her child. They may keep the first name a birthmom gave him and use it as middle or do something with his name to acknowledge the name she chose as well. With the more open adoptions of today, adoptive parents and birthparents... more

A common question I hear from new birthmothers is “does it get any easier?” It in that question is referring to the immense emotional pain and grief a new birthmother feels. I un-fondly remember being a new birthmother. Those first few days home from the hospital were so incredibly hard. All I really did was lie around and cry. Your body is still tired from just having given birth and in my case my body was healing from a c-section as well. So aside from just being physically exhausted and worn out, I was on emotional overload.

Being... more

In my recent post about regrets, I mentioned that one of my few regrets is not giving my son, Charlie, a name of my own choosing. I’ve heard a few other birthmothers mention that they are saddened they did not give their child a name of their own choosing as well, so let’s look at this dilemma a little closer using myself and my situation as the example.

Why do I regret not giving Charlie a name of my own choosing? I can’t really put my finger on it and tell... more

In my last post, I talked about the lessons I have learned as a birthmother. But I have also learned many things and lessons from the adoptive mothers and adoptees I have had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know on my adoption journey. The list below may not be things that every adoptive mother or adoptee will agree with or feels as well, but the things and feelings of the adoptive mothers and adoptees I have met along the way.

... more

My journey as a birthmother has taught me many things. Some of these things or “lessons” are things I already knew but have been reaffirmed in my walk as a birthmother while others specifically relate to adoption and I didn’t know as an outsider.

I’ve learned to be more compassionate. I was already a compassionate person but adoption and being a birthmother has taught me to be even more compassionate towards other people. I’ve learned to root for the underdog. I consider an expectant mother who is single and doesn’t have... more

Teen Pregnancy is considered an epidemic is this nation and more teenagers get pregnant in Milwaukee than just about anywhere else in the United States. Milwaukee is one of the top ten cities in the United States with the highest percentage of births to teen mothers, 6th in the nation to be exact.

The long term cost of a Milwaukee teen having a baby is over $79,000 dollars. The ramifications of teen pregnancy are never ending. Girls born to teen mothers are 83% more likely to become teen mothers themselves and children of teen mothers are more likely to drop out of high school prior to graduation themselves. But part of the problem is that teen pregnancy is becoming so accepted that... more

In my last two posts, I have talked about how to tell your baby’s dad you are pregnant and how to tell your parents you are pregnant.

Telling your friends you are pregnant may not seem as daunting as telling your baby’s daddy or your parents, but it can have its challenges as well. The challenges with your friends may not lie in how... more

Last week, I shared a newspaper article out of North Carolina with you about the possibility of North Carolina teaching safe haven laws in the schools to students so that they could be aware that safely abandoning a baby is legal in that state. But a story coming out of Iowa has raised the issue of safe haven laws once again.

Ashley Tritt, an 18 year old from Solon Iowa, was vacationing with her parents, brother, and boyfriend in Florida. She hid her pregnancy from her parents and boyfriend and then gave birth alone, in the bathroom. She was arrested... more

Telling your family, especially your parents, that you are pregnant can be scary and overwhelming. Our family wants the best for us and often an unplanned pregnancy is not in their version of how your life should play out.

Below are a few ideas to help you in telling your parents and other family members you are pregnant.

If the prospect of telling your parents (or other close family members) that you are pregnant alone is too frightening, consider asking someone (such as a close friend, counselor, teacher, clergy person, or your baby’s... more

Depending on the relationship with your unborn baby’s father, the prospect of telling him that you are pregnant might be very scary.

Personally speaking, I was very nervous about telling Charlie’s biological father I was pregnant. We were no longer dating or even on speaking terms so I’m sure he knew that something was up when I called him up out of the blue and asked him to meet me at my apartment.

Before you tell him, if you have only taken a home pregnancy test, you may want to confirm with a doctor or health department that you are indeed... more