Children have over active imaginations and fears. Explaining adoption to your child may stir up some fears and anxiety in your child. He or she may have questions that seem silly to you but make perfect sense to a child such as “Are you going to give me away too?” Or, “Don’t you love the baby?” It is so important to reassure your child that he or she is going to remain with you and that you love him or her and that you love the baby too. For Noah, routine is very important most of the time and during this time it was super important that our routine stayed the same and that we still did our little rituals… [more]
Just as you will grieve the loss of your motherhood and your baby, your child will have to deal with some grief too. Although some open adoption agreements will afford them the opportunity to know one another, it will probably not be the same sibling bond that they would have if they were growing up together in the same household. Helping your child deal with his or her grief, while you are dealing with your own, is not easy. I have heard that time and time again from many birthmothers. Below are some simple ways that you can help the child you are parenting in his or her grieving process.
- Suggest that your child make something for the baby such
A great tool to aide you in explaining adoption to the child you are parenting is the book, Sam’s Sister by Juliet Bond. This book explains adoption in the very context in which you may be experiencing. There are a lot of adoption books out there that explain adoption to children but these are usually for the adopted children themselves not the birth siblings of adopted children. Juliet Bond, the author of this book, is a counselor at an adoption agency and wrote this book after witnessing many expectant mothers considering adoption struggle with how to explain adoption to the child(ren) they are parenting. In Sam’s Sister, we are introduced to Rosa and her mother, Maria. Maria is pregnant… [more]
Parenting a child and making an adoption plan for the one you are carrying creates an additional dilemma for expectant mothers. At some point, you are going to have to explain adoption and your decision to your child. You don’t need to tell a young child too much of the details, but you do need to begin preparing them. Small children need time to absorb the information you are giving them, adapt to the changes that might occur in their lives, and reassurance that they are loved and not going anywhere. I think the best approach is honesty at an age appropriate level. Try to use child like language when you are talking to your child about adoption. You could start off… [more]