Reassuring Your Child while Considering Adoption

August 13th, 2007

Children have over active imaginations and fears. Explaining adoption to your child may stir up some fears and anxiety in your child. He or she may have questions that seem silly to you but make perfect sense to a child such as “Are you going to give me away too?” Or, “Don’t you love the baby?” It is so important to reassure your child that he or she is going to remain with you and that you love him or her and that you love the baby too. For Noah, routine is very important most of the time and during this time it was super important that our routine stayed the same and that we still did our little rituals… [more]

Dealing with Your Child’s Emotions while Considering Adoption

August 13th, 2007

Just as you will grieve the loss of your motherhood and your baby, your child will have to deal with some grief too. Although some open adoption agreements will afford them the opportunity to know one another, it will probably not be the same sibling bond that they would have if they were growing up together in the same household. Helping your child deal with his or her grief, while you are dealing with your own, is not easy. I have heard that time and time again from many birthmothers. Below are some simple ways that you can help the child you are parenting in his or her grieving process.

  • Suggest that your child make something for the baby such

Explaining Adoption with Sam’s Sister

August 9th, 2007

A great tool to aide you in explaining adoption to the child you are parenting is the book, Sam’s Sister by Juliet Bond. This book explains adoption in the very context in which you may be experiencing. There are a lot of adoption books out there that explain adoption to children but these are usually for the adopted children themselves not the birth siblings of adopted children. Juliet Bond, the author of this book, is a counselor at an adoption agency and wrote this book after witnessing many expectant mothers considering adoption struggle with how to explain adoption to the child(ren) they are parenting. In Sam’s Sister, we are introduced to Rosa and her mother, Maria. Maria is pregnant… [more]

Explaining Adoption to the Child you are Parenting

August 8th, 2007

Parenting a child and making an adoption plan for the one you are carrying creates an additional dilemma for expectant mothers. At some point, you are going to have to explain adoption and your decision to your child. You don’t need to tell a young child too much of the details, but you do need to begin preparing them. Small children need time to absorb the information you are giving them, adapt to the changes that might occur in their lives, and reassurance that they are loved and not going anywhere. I think the best approach is honesty at an age appropriate level. Try to use child like language when you are talking to your child about adoption. You could start off… [more]

Considering Adoption while Parenting

August 7th, 2007

Are you already parenting a child or children and are now considering adoption for your unborn baby? Once upon a time before I was a birthmother and a member of the adoption community, I never would have guessed that birthmothers would have children older than the one they placed. I imagine that others who have no connection to adoption think along the same lines. I myself am one of these mothers who were parenting at the time of placement. My involvement in the adoption community since Charlie’s birth and relinquishment has showed me that this is not as uncommon as one might think. While placing a child for adoption is hard under any circumstances, placing a child where parenting adds some… [more]

Talking about Adoption

April 9th, 2007

Not every expectant mother considering adoption is a first time mother. Many expectant mothers nowadays who consider adoption are already parenting a child or children and know first hand the struggles parenting can bring. This can be one of the reasons prompting them to consider adoption for the baby they are pregnant with. This was my case. I knew at that time in my life I could not financially and emotionally handle all of Noah’s special needs plus care for a newborn while working to support the three of us. There will come a time in her pregnancy that a mother who is already parenting a child will have to explain to that child her adoption plan. This is not an easy… [more]

Having More Children

October 2nd, 2006

Firstmom Blogger, Jenna, recently wrote a great post titled, Family Planning: No One Told Me about This. In her post, she talks about how once she started parenting her son; she realized that it wasn’t as hard as it was going to be. Her post got me thinking, not about the complexities of raising children, but about family planning. I think that we tend to always think that we can have more children down the road. It’s something that adoption agencies and adoption professionals typically tell a lot of expectant mothers considering adoption, “You can have a baby when the time is right.” Or “You can always have more children later.” It’s something I even told myself. Not that any other children… [more]

Effect of adoption on siblings

March 24th, 2006

Sometimes, in the adoption decision-making process, the children are forgotten. I am not talking here about the child that you are considering entrusting to another family, but the children that you already have, and/or your subsequent children. If you are already a mother, there is no doubt that the children you’re raising will grieve their missing sibling. If this baby is your first child, but you plan to have more children in the future, you still need to think about the fact that the children you eventually parent will feel the absence of this child. Many “kept” children are deeply unsettled that one of their siblings was “given away.” They wonder if they might be sent away, too, should times turn tough. They also observe your… [more]