If you’re experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, it can be scary and sometimes unsettling. For some, it is a place full of confusion. But, it doesn’t have to be. It can be a time of self-understanding, self-acceptance, and introspection. It is a time to delve into and analyze how you see your life a few months and then a few years down the road. In order to fully comprehend and make an informed decision, here are some things you can do: Take Time for Yourself: First things first. Take time to think and to feel. Find an empty, quiet place to do this. Take as much time as you need. The first step is to accept that you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. Once… [more]
Continued from Part 1 There are going to be people in your immediate circle of family and friends who will not be supportive and may even bring you down and make you feel worse. You don’t need these types of people in your life right now, but sometimes, especially if they are family, it’s hard to get rid of them! You can distance yourself from them if possible. If that’s not possible, try some of the below tips to deal with those unsupportive family and friends.
- Let them know that you need people who will support whatever decision you make in your corner. Perhaps this will be a little nudge in the right direction to remind them that you don’t need
During any tough and emotional time, we need the support of our friends and family. And a crisis pregnancy is no different. We really need the support, especially emotionally, to make it through the pregnancy and the decision making process. I don’t think I could have made it through either of my crisis pregnancies and Charlie’s adoption had I not had a pretty good support network of supportive friends and family. Unfortunately, not all friends and family will be supportive though. Some may not be supportive of your decision. If you choose adoption, they may have been thinking you should have chose parenting and then become unsupportive of your adoption decision or if you choose parenting and they were for adoption, they may… [more]
You certainly wouldn’t want to surrender your child just to become a part of the birthparent world, but once you do, I will say it is a very kind and supportive group of women (and some men) you will find there. On the email lists and in person support groups, what do we do talk about? What do we do? --We help each other by reviewing important letters before they are sent, or major phone calls before they are made. Lots of messages are traded that go like this: QUESTION: “Ladies, can you read this for me and see if it sounds too pushy? I don’t want to sound like I’m overstepping my bounds, and I certainly don’t want to risk losing… [more]
I belong to a lot of adoption groups, one of them being Concerned United Birthparents. Right now on the CUB e-mail list, we are talking about the idea of helping women to parent. As birthparents, we want to know what we can do to save others from suffering the same losses we did. Now, most of us don’t think family preservation is desirable in all cases. Some first parents have problems that are so persistent and ingrained that it isn’t to the child’s advantage to stay with Mom or Dad. The child can’t wait while the parent gets everything sorted out…it would take too long, and it wouldn't be all that different from a foster care arrangement. But so many adoptions aren’t about parents… [more]
Support Groups can be beneficial to expectant mothers considering adoption as well as birthmothers post adoption. Many times support groups are led by a professional or social worker who has experience in dealing with issues of adoption grief and loss and you will be surrounded by others who have first hand experience in being a birthmother. Some support groups will allow pregnant women considering adoption to join, while some are strictly birthmothers only. There are some support groups that are for any member of the adoption triad so be sure and check with the leader of the group to see what rules apply to that particular group. Support groups provide the support of others who have walked in your shoes, “been there… [more]
In an unplanned pregnancy, you need lots of support and sometimes that can be hard because everyone has their own opinion of what you should do. Making a decision about your baby’s future is ultimately your decision and you need people not directly involved in your life to help you work through your options. To get emotional support from objective people, you may want to consider using the services of a local crisis pregnancy center.
If you suspect you are pregnant and are not 100 percent sure yet, crisis pregnancy centers can also help you with free pregnancy testing, pregnancy confirmation, and in some cases, early ultrasounds to indicate how far along you are.
Crisis Pregnancy Centers are places staffed with caring individuals who want to pregnant… [more]
When I was pregnant, I wanted to talk to a few birthmothers in an attempt to find out "what it really felt like" to give up your child. (I say "give up" rather than the softer phrases “entrust,” “place” or “relinquish” because the awful reality is, when you come right down to it, adoption does mean that you give up your child.) Birthmothers were not quite as visible then as they are now, so I didn’t find any of these individuals on my own—I was referred to them by the adoption agency that wanted me to place my child through their organization. I called these women up, and they spoke to me in flat, monotone voices about what it had been like for them. I got a hollow feeling in… [more]