Crisis Vs Pregnancy

March 10th, 2011

1153643_abstract_storm_2 In my previous post, I began talking about the difference between an unplanned pregnancy and a crisis. I want to share my experiences and demonstrate the difference between a pregnancy and a crisis, so others won't make my same mistakes. My experience of going into the hospital with premature labor took away all of my control around my pregnancy and birth. If I could change anything, I would have found a midwife and had a homebirth. When the doctor transferred me into her care, I asked for help with my baby. She stated adoption as the solution because I was unmarried and not Catholic. She gave me several profiles of families to look through that went to her church. The day after… [more]

Attachment

April 24th, 2008

I was recently reading the blog of a friend and fellow birthmom. In one of her posts, she talks about attachment and whether or not birthmoms attach to their babies. In a nut shell, she said that she tried not to attach, but she did, because it was almost impossible for her not to. I tried not to attach myself to Supergirl. Boy, did I. I tried to tell myself that I was not pregnant. You couldn’t tell me that I was. I fought about it. I denied it. I tried not to attach but then I was hooked up to the fetal monitor and she moved. She didn’t want us to bother her. So here I am, lying in a hospital bed with a nurse chasing… [more]

Interview with a Safe Haven Birthmom

April 21st, 2008
Categories: Other Birthmothers

I recently had the opportunity to interview a birthmom who relinquished her child through her state’s safe haven laws. Before I dive into the heart of the post, let me tell you a little bit about safe haven laws in case you are unfamiliar with them. Safe haven allows allow a mother to safely leave her newborn child at a designated safe haven such as a fire department or hospital anonymously without being charged for abandonment. The child is then placed for adoption through the state. Safe haven laws are now in effect in each of the United States. I have always thought women who used safe haven laws to relinquish their children were mysterious. They typically remain anonymous and we never hear anything from them so I was excited that… [more]

Birthmom of the Week: Amanda B.

November 15th, 2007

This week’s featured birthmom is Amanda B. At age 21, Amanda became unexpectedly pregnant. She did consider parenting but eventually decided that making an adoption plan would be the best thing for her child as she had just lost her job, health insurance, and her baby’s father had just moved over nine hundred miles away. Amanda describes her life as being very chaotic before and during the time she found out she was pregnant. I was way too entirely overwhelmed. Beginning an adoption plan was the first pillar of stability that I found in my chaos. Her son’s birth father was not involved at all so Amanda made all the decisions regarding adoption on her own. Flipping through profile booklets of couples hoping to adopt, something… [more]

Taking Your Baby Home: The Reaction of Others

October 23rd, 2007
Categories: Other Birthmothers

In my last post, I introduced you to Cari, a birthmother who brought her baby home for a week before placing her in an open adoption. While discussing this, one issue that came up in the conversation between Cari and I was the reaction of others. Bringing a baby home before placement is not terribly common as far as I know. I can count the number of girls I know who have done this on one hand. Just to clarify, in this post I mean bringing the baby home before placement in the same sense as Cari with the intent to place, not bringing the baby home to parent then changing her mind. I honestly am not even sure that some expectant mothers considering adoption… [more]

Taking Your Baby Home: One Birthmother’s Story

October 22nd, 2007
Categories: Other Birthmothers

In my last post, I explained that one of your rights as the mother of your child is to take him or her home before making a final decision and placing. My friend, Cari, did just this last July after giving birth to her daughter, Selah. Cari knew that adoption was the right decision for Selah knew that the short stay in the hospital would not be enough time for her to spend with Selah so Cari opted to bring her baby home with her before placing her for adoption. Cari agreed to answer a few of my questions and share this experience with us. When Cari began considering adoption, she knew that although signing in the hospital in her state was legal she didn’t… [more]

Birthmom of the Week: Tamara B.

October 17th, 2007

Tamara B. is this week’s featured birthmother. Thirteen years ago, Tamara found herself in an unplanned pregnancy. She considered parenting but ultimately decided that adoption would be the best solution for her situation. She and her baby’s birthfather were no longer together and Tamara could foresee the future of struggling with medical costs and college costs as real as the everyday costs involved in parenting a child. Tamara began meeting with a pregnancy counselor to learn more about adoption. She chose the adoptive parents of her son. The adoption counselors and I both feel that the Lord had a hand in selecting these parents. They so closely matched what I wanted. There were a lot of similarities, there were artistic abilities and… [more]

Birthmom of the Week: Jennifer W. (part 2)

October 9th, 2007

Part 1 Right after Jennifer placed her daughter Tonya into transitional care, Jennifer absorbed in grief and despair, met up with her husband as the divorce had not yet taken place. I met up with my husband at the time and spent the night with him. Six week later, I found out I was pregnant. Upon finding out I was pregnant and in the process of placing Tonya, there was never a question that I would place this one. If I could not keep Tonya, at least I could give her a sibling. The adoptive parents Jennifer had selected for Tonya did know that Jennifer was pregnant, but initially, Jennifer was not allowed (by the adoption agency) to ask them about… [more]

Birthmom of the Week: Jennifer W.

October 9th, 2007

This week’s featured birthmother of the week is Jennifer W. Jennifer is a birthmother to two daughters. At the age of twenty, Jennifer gave birth to her first daughter, Tonya (that’s the name Jennifer gave her, it was later changed.) Jennifer originally intended to place Tonya for adoption at birth, but as her due date neared and the reality became more emotional, Jennifer decided to parent her. Jennifer married her boyfriend (who was not Tonya’s birthfather) five days before Tonya was born. It was a problematic marriage from the get go and he left after just three months of marriage, only to come back shortly later, then leave again. Jennifer continually struggled with very little support as she parented Tonya for thirteen months… [more]

Birthmom of the Week: Tammie

October 2nd, 2007

This week’s featured birthmother is Tammie. At the age of sixteen, Tammie became unexpectedly pregnant. Her unborn baby’s father was not supportive and even denied that the baby was his. When she initially found out she was pregnant, her parents kicked her out of the house. Eventually, a few months later, they let her return. Knowing that she wasn’t financially or emotionally ready to be a parent and handle the responsibility that goes along with being a parent and having little support, Tammie opted to make an adoption plan. Tammie found a local adoption agency and chose the adoptive parents that adopted her son after looking through profiles of different couples who were all hoping to adopt. She chose that particular couple because they had… [more]