Crisis Vs Pregnancy

March 10th, 2011

1153643_abstract_storm_2 In my previous post, I began talking about the difference between an unplanned pregnancy and a crisis. I want to share my experiences and demonstrate the difference between a pregnancy and a crisis, so others won't make my same mistakes. My experience of going into the hospital with premature labor took away all of my control around my pregnancy and birth. If I could change anything, I would have found a midwife and had a homebirth. When the doctor transferred me into her care, I asked for help with my baby. She stated adoption as the solution because I was unmarried and not Catholic. She gave me several profiles of families to look through that went to her church. The day after… [more]

Making Adoption Goals in 2010

December 29th, 2009
Categories: Relinquishment

Happy New Year!I've given you a list of goals if parenting is your long-term pregnancy goal for 2010. Now it's time to talk adoption. Please know that I intend for you to compare and contrast your lists after you have made them and considered them thoroughly. One list is really not complete without the other. Remember that as I give you a list of things you need to do if placement is on your list of possibilities for 2010. One thing about adoption is that it is not something you should consider, at all, without thorough research. And I mean thorough. Relying on what an agency or attorney tells you is simply not thorough enough. As such, the first few things on… [more]

Adoption Laws

August 2nd, 2007

There are a lot of laws involving adoption. While you may not be a legal expert, you can still read up a little bit on the adoption laws in order to be prepared for what is up coming as well as to protect yourself. There are no federally mandated adoption laws. The laws differ from state to state. There are laws that dictate when you can sign papers terminating your parental rights. Some states require you to wait a certain amount of time after the birth of your baby before you can sign relinquishment papers. For example, in Arizona you can not sign until 72 hours after the birth of the baby. There are laws that dictate where you can sign the relinquishment… [more]

What if I Change my Mind?

May 17th, 2007

This question recently came to me via email from an expectant mother considering adoption and I thought it was important enough to bring to the attention of all expectant mothers considering adoption. I am considering placing my child for adoption and am wondering how long I have to change my mind and get my daughter back once I sign papers? Ok, first of all, if you are already thinking that you might want to take your daughter back, don’t sign those papers! Do not let an adoption agency, a family member, friend, partner, boyfriend, husband, prospective adoptive parent, or anyone else talk you into signing those papers either! If you are already thinking that you might want to take her back once you sign… [more]

How shame leads to surrender, part 2

May 11th, 2007
Categories: Relinquishment

no sm(continued from previous post) In another scenario, some women have done nothing that’s morally questionable, but still feel shame. They are victims of rape. I know a woman who was raped at age 14; she surrendered the baby who was conceived from the attack. You might think that her child would be an unpleasant reminder of a terrible ordeal, but far from resenting her son, she has gone on to have one of the best open adoptions I’ve ever seen. She doesn’t love him any less because of how he was created. She’s struggled through many difficult conversations with her child about his origins, but she adores him, and it works. My feeling is that shame is almost never solved by surrender. The… [more]

How shame leads to surrender, part 1

May 11th, 2007
Categories: Relinquishment

shameSome birthmothers got pregnant during long-standing relationships with men they love. Unfortunately, that wasn’t my story, and it isn’t the story of many other women who have chosen to relinquish their babies. A lot of relinquishments, I’ve noticed, contain at least some element of shame. It’s as if we were trying to redeem ourselves by letting the baby go. As for me, I had sex just one time with a man I didn’t know well. I hadn’t been sexually active for some time, and wasn’t at all intending to have sex with this person, so I wasn’t on birth control. We immediately regretted our intimacy. Though he is a fine person, I never expected to be tied to him for life… [more]

More on Saying Goodbye and Signing

April 27th, 2007
Categories: Relinquishment

In my last post, I talked about the importance of spending time with your baby in the hospital. I mentioned that I am a firm believer in that you have to “say hello before you can say goodbye” and that spending time with your baby in the hospital can be healthy. In one of the comments of that particular post, Faith who writes the Hoping to Adopt Blog here, commented about how her son’s birthmother chose to say goodbye. Faith mentioned that his birthmother took her time saying goodbye and that she chose to do so in the privacy of her own home, not in the hospital. She also mentioned that her son’s birthmother signed the relinquishment papers in her own home and not the hospital bed. If… [more]

Signing Relinquishment Papers

January 23rd, 2007
Categories: Relinquishment

Signing papers to terminate your parental rights to your child is not a fun thing and not one that I like to talk about often, but one that I feel should be discussed here occasionally as it is something you will have to do if you follow through with making an adoption plan. With all the corruption in adoptions nowadays, you must be educated on your rights and the laws regarding terminating your rights. I am not an expert on adoption laws and don’t claim to be, so please do your homework regarding the laws in your state! Laws on relinquishment procedures vary from state to state and various agencies even handle things differently within states, but that is just their policies within the… [more]

When Signing Becomes a Catch-22

January 22nd, 2007
Categories: Relinquishment

catch 22Arising from Joseph Heller’s famous novel of the same name, the phrase "Catch-22" has become a way for people to describe their frustration with bureaucracy or ill-conceived rules. It’s used to indicate a no-win situation or contradictory messages that can’t be reconciled. In the book, Catch-22 is a dandy piece of circular reasoning that prevents anyone from ever avoiding a combat mission. There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be… [more]


October 11th, 2006
Categories: Relinquishment

Relinquishment is not a fun subject or one that we touch on much, but if you are considering adoption and do follow through with making an adoption plan, it is something you are going to have to deal with at some point and something I feel we should probably cover. What exactly is relinquishment? According to’s glossary of adoption terms, relinquishment is defined as the following: In the context of adoption, this term generally refers to a birthparent voluntarily giving up his or her parental rights to a child, so that someone else can adopt it. In practice it generally refers to these parental rights being transferred to an agency, rather than directly to the new adoptive parents, so that the… [more]