When I was a little girl, I never dreamt I would become pregnant and place a child for adoption. I didn’t understand until I saw the caseworkers walk out the hospital door with my newborn son Phoenix, the finality of my decision. It was heartbreaking and for awhile I struggled with where I was in that. The great part of my story, the part I reflect on when times are hard is the perfect family he became a part of. I didn’t have a family picked out. He was going to a foster family, whom I knew nothing about. When I met the foster mom, I asked her how my baby was doing. When she replied, I was blown away by her authenticity… [more]
Since Jenna recently informed me that today is BlogHer Blog Act for Mothers Act Day, I too will be blogging about my personal postpartum experiences today. I honestly do not remember a whole lot of anything that would be considered Post Partum Depression after giving birth to Noah. He was in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for weeks after his birth. I was a young, first time mother. Because of Noah’s special needs, we qualified for some family counseling through the hospital which allowed me to vent about whatever I was feeling be it hormonal or just new mother fears. That was very helpful. Now I beleive that as a birthmother the postpartum depression gets thrown in with the grieving process that a birthmother… [more]
Birth control may seem like an odd topic for a blog on crisis/unplanned pregnancies but it is something that you may want to begin thinking about. Towards the end of both of my pregnancies, I can recall my doctor or a nurse asking me if I had given thought to birth control method of choice I would be using after the birth of my babies. It’s a good idea to start thinking now about what birth control method will work best for you. Even if you have sworn off men and sex, it is still a wise idea to go ahead and be on birth control as a precaution. Nowadays there are many different types of birth control in which a woman can… [more]
One unexpected predicament that some birthmothers have to face after relinquishment is a change in the relationship between themselves and the adoptive family, this typically happens more often between the expectant mother and the prospective adoptive mother. Several birthmother friends have experienced this and I dealt with it myself. During her pregnancy, once she has chosen an adoptive family, some expectant mothers begin to spend a lot of free time with or talking to the adoptive parents. Often times the adoptive mother may accompany the expectant mother to her doctor appointments. They also may talk on the phone frequently, exchange emails, instant message each other, hang out, etc. Their talk doesn’t solely revolve around the baby and adoption anymore. They are becoming friends, bonding, and growing… [more]
A common question I hear from new birthmothers is “does it get any easier?” It in that question is referring to the immense emotional pain and grief a new birthmother feels. I un-fondly remember being a new birthmother. Those first few days home from the hospital were so incredibly hard. All I really did was lie around and cry. Your body is still tired from just having given birth and in my case my body was healing from a c-section as well. So aside from just being physically exhausted and worn out, I was on emotional overload. Being at home and recuperating was terrible. I came home from the hospital on a Sunday and J (hubby now, boyfriend then) had to go… [more]
In my last post, I talked about the lessons I have learned as a birthmother. But I have also learned many things and lessons from the adoptive mothers and adoptees I have had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know on my adoption journey. The list below may not be things that every adoptive mother or adoptee will agree with or feels as well, but the things and feelings of the adoptive mothers and adoptees I have met along the way.
- I've learned from adoptive mothers that they are normal people too who make mistakes, need breaks, have marital problems, etc... Often times, society, adoption agencies, and our own minds may put them on a pedestal and paint
My journey as a birthmother has taught me many things. Some of these things or “lessons” are things I already knew but have been reaffirmed in my walk as a birthmother while others specifically relate to adoption and I didn’t know as an outsider.
- I’ve learned to be more compassionate. I was already a compassionate person but adoption and being a birthmother has taught me to be even more compassionate towards other people.
- I’ve learned to root for the underdog. I consider an expectant mother who is single and doesn’t have a lot material wise to be the under dog. More and more I find myself rooting for her, helping these women that cross my path to know that they
“Regret is insight that comes a day too late.” ~ Unknown I think the question I probably get asked the most from both birthmothers and pregnant women considering adoption alike has to be “Do you regret your decision to place your baby for adoption?” On the surface, one might think that question would have a simple yes or no answer. But oh boy, that’s a loaded question with a very complicated answer. The way I look at it is that I made the best possible decision with the information I had at the time of Charlie’s birth. Had I had a crystal ball back then and the ability to see into the future, I wouldn’t have made that decision. But unfortunately, I don’t have… [more]
My co-blogger Heather just wrote two great posts about seeing adoption through rose colored glasses. It is funny that she wrote these today as just last night I was just discussing with a friend my thoughts and feelings on adoption and how much they have changed in the past five years. When I first became a birthmother, I was in the euphoric stages that Heather describes in her post. I felt awesome that I helped a family have a child and focused much more on what I did than what I was loosing. I was in big time denial. I felt for certain that I’d done the best thing and told myself over and over, just as other people told me, that… [more]
Oh, I just love this picture! It means a lot to me because we are just doing a normal parent/child thing. It was taken a few weeks ago at Noah’s tenth birthday party. Noah’s birthday party was at a fun park that has arcade games, go carts, bumper boats, ski ball, miniature golf, and more! While Noah was riding a go cart with J, Charlie who decided (for some odd reason) that he did NOT want to ride a go cart. His Mom needed to stay outside and watch his sister since she was on a go cart at that moment. So I offered to take him inside and play games with him. This was the first time I’ve been somewhere… [more]