Living to Love

January 31st, 2012
Posted By: on Crisis Pregnancy

For those who know, I am a birth-first mother who has experienced two unplanned pregnancies--one in adulthood and one in my teens. I have always had a "modus operandi"--a way of handling difficult things. Something in common with both pregnancies-- I ran away from responsibility, didn't face the truth of the situation and when things got tough I found a way to cope. I escaped into video games, and TV and decided to not face the change that would happen, whether I was ready or not. With the first born, Kenny, I celebrated and my pregnancy was very public and I was unaware of what it would take to become a parent. I had a ton of people come visit me in the hospital, and my family even welcomed me back into the… [more]

The Stigma of Single Parenting

March 29th, 2010

Mom and BabyWhen talking about the subjects of adoption , abortion and single parenting, I am always amused to see the two different camps of thought. Some who have placed their babies for adoption state that one of the reasons (in a list of many) that they chose relinquishment was the stigma that is attached to single parenting. While discussing the topic of abortion and adoption with a group of adults untouched by the actual issues, they stated that the stigma of single parenting died a long time ago. So which is it? It depends, really. On many things! Where you live, the age of your own parents, religious views and, of course, your own age all come into play as to whether you're… [more]

Making Parenting Goals for 2010

December 28th, 2009
Categories: Parenting

Happy New Year!As I said in my previous post, ringing in the New Year while pregnant can be a bit difficult. I encouraged you, however, to make 2010 your Best Year Ever! As you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and reading this blog, you are likely facing the decision whether to parent or place your baby for adoption. Making that decision is difficult and one that requires a lot of research and introspection. I encourage you to use this post and tomorrow's post to make goals in both directions, parenting and placement. After you make your list of goals, you can compare and contrast your lists and make a better decision as to which path may be best suited for you… [more]

How Will Your Life Change If You: Parent

April 30th, 2009
Categories: Parenting

I'm often asked by mothers experiencing unplanned pregnancies how their lives will change if they parent. The simple answer is this: in every way possible. That sounds big and scary but, while it is the truth, it's not horribly scary. Well, no more than any life-altering decision! So what changes can you expect? 1. Social life. While your friends may be supportive now and even after your baby arrives, the truth is that parenting takes a large chunk of your time. Even if you have a partner the support of your own parents, most of your time is going to be taken up by the ins and outs of parenting. Especially in those sleep-deprived first months, you won't have much energy for gatherings or parties. 2. Your priorities. What once seemed important may not… [more]

Learning to Trust Your Motherly Instinct

February 28th, 2009
Categories: Parenting

I remember thinking that I couldn't be a parent because I didn't "possess" that motherly instinct. However, when I look back with the benefit of hindsight, I was able to see the decisions I made with that instinct and how, by the end, I really did have it. Furthermore, when I became an everyday parent to my second born child, I saw how that motherly instinct come part and parcel with mothering itself. And yet, for those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and particularly for those for whom the pregnancy comes at a difficult time, learning to trust that motherly instinct can be difficult. In fact, the self doubt that seems to accompany an unplanned pregnancy makes it particularly hard to recognize that motherly instinct for what it… [more]

What to Do: Prenatal Care

December 10th, 2008
Categories: Pregnancy, Resources

I cannot tell you how important good prenatal care is for both you and your child. While the level of intervention by your care provider can vary due to personal preference or practice preference, some form of making sure that you are in good health and that the baby is in good health is your best course of action. While you may (or may not) have experienced a pregnancy before if you are reading this blog, you are likely experiencing an unplanned pregnancy this time around. That little scenario may leave you concerned with how to procure prenatal care. And so, your challenge today is to figure that out. I will let you know that it varies from state to state and even from county to county… [more]

Did Baby Borrowers Scare You?

October 20th, 2008

Baby Borrowers scared me! And I'm an everyday Mom to two boys neither of which were born while I was a teenager. I caught a marathon of the show on WeTV (who is on Twitter, by the way) this past weekend. My Husband and I watched a few episodes together with the boys. Of course, when I say that we watched anything with the boys, I mean that we caught bits and pieces while playing, telling the children not to lick each other and laughing a lot as is the usual in our home. What I did actually get to watch, comprehend and consider left me feeling very thoughtful all weekend. I understand the point of the show: to show teens who otherwise have… [more]

Should you get Married because you are Pregnant?

September 28th, 2008
Categories: Parenting

There are a lot of young mothers or young pregnant mothers in the news lately such as Jamie Lynn Spears and Bristol Palin. When you read about either of these young women, one thing you often hear is that they are planning to get married. While I think that is great for them since it is their choice, I also hope it doesn’t send the wrong message out to some unwed expectant mothers. I wonder if they are wondering if they got married if their pregnancy might be more accepted. Yes, you might feel more accepted. Having a baby while married is seen more acceptable by much of society versus having a baby out of wedlock, but should you get married just because you are pregnant? I don’t think that… [more]

Teen Parents and Prom Night

April 18th, 2008
Categories: Teen Parenting

It’s prom night at some of the local high schools in my town. My nephew and his girlfriend will be attending. She has the perfect dress. He has a corsage for her. They’ll go to dinner with friends before the prom and the bowling after party to end the night. They’ll come home, tired but happy. But before they crawl into bed, they’ll check in on their sleeping son. I’ve written about my nephew and his girlfriend before. They are teen parents. When they found out that L was unexpectedly pregnant, L was sixteen and T was seventeen. At first, they were not sure what they were going to do but ultimately they decided that they would parent. Yes, it would have been more ideal had… [more]

Challenges in being a Good Mother

February 5th, 2008
Categories: Parenting

In my recent post, You Can be a Good Mother, I discussed how just about any woman can be a good mother if she puts her mind to it, applies herself, and is determined. However, after thinking about it, I forgot to mention two major challenges that one might deal with, that could prevent someone from being a good mother, if they are not dealt with. If a woman has some forms of mental illness, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she will not be a good mother, however if she does not receive treatment it could make being a good mother very challenging. With treatment and support though, she can typically still successfully parent. My own mother suffers from bi-polar disorder and she was still… [more]