Open Adoption: My Journey

September 1st, 2011

mountain_roadWhen I was a little girl, I never dreamt I would become pregnant and place a child for adoption. I didn’t understand until I saw the caseworkers walk out the hospital door with my newborn son Phoenix, the finality of my decision. It was heartbreaking and for awhile I struggled with where I was in that. The great part of my story, the part I reflect on when times are hard is the perfect family he became a part of. I didn’t have a family picked out. He was going to a foster family, whom I knew nothing about. When I met the foster mom, I asked her how my baby was doing. When she replied, I was blown away by her authenticity… [more]

Finding Parents!

July 12th, 2011

reding_womanChoosing parents is a really fun and involved part of the adoption process one must focus on! This is the family that will be taking care of your child for the rest of its life. It will be hard because they will call them 'Mom & Dad' , but you have to remember, you are making this decision for the right reason, you must embrace it! Now, I will tell you my story because I think it is awesome. My boyfriend and I wanted parents who weren't able to have children. When my social worker first came and met with us about choosing a family, she brought three books with her. Two of the families already had children. One was a natural baby… [more]

Religion as a Deciding Factor

February 25th, 2010

ChurchAs you continue to consider an adoption plan, different topics come up as to what you are looking for in a family for your child. For many, religion or the lack thereof happens to be a key factor in the final decision. It's interesting to me that religion plays such a key role considering the fluctuation that can exist in a person's or family's belief system. Some expectant parents want their child to be raised in a family that subscribes to their beliefs. They want their child to attend the same kind of church that they attended while growing up. Some get as specific as to require the same denomination. Similarly, some expectant parents are seeking parents who identify as atheist or agnostic… [more]

Is Your Agency Properly Promoting Open Adoption?

September 28th, 2009

Open DoorIf you are considering relinquishment and working with an adoption agency, I encourage you to look at some of the ways in which they are talking to you, about adoption and about your future. It can be overwhelming to come into a possible placement without knowing anything about adoption. Some agencies take advantage of that fact, hoping that you'll take everything they say at face value. While there are some great agencies out there who offer you all of the information needed in able to make an informed decision, not every agency works in such an ethical manner. As such, it's important for you to know a few things. Some adoption agencies promote open adoption out the wazoo. Don't get me wrong… [more]

What’s Important to You?

February 9th, 2009

I just advised hopeful adoptive parents that expectant parents considering placement have a wide and varied list of things that they look for in a potential family for their child. While that fact remains true, I thought I should encourage you to really consider what your list entails. It is different, of course, for every expectant mother and father. So, how do you figure out what to look for in a family? You start, first and foremost, with what is important to you. To do that, first start with the reasons why you are considering placing your child for adoption. If your reasons are strongly based upon your current financial situation, does that mean that you really value a stable financial situation? While it should be… [more]

Learn How to Communicate Now

November 1st, 2008

If you are already matched with a potential family for your baby or in the process of seeking out such a family, I have one very important bit of advice for you: Learn how to effectively communicate. Now. Trust me on this one! Right now, you are just getting to know one another. You are trying to get a feel for their personalities, their character and whether or not you feel that they will be the best family to raise your child. You are probably tentative in your question asking and in how you reply to their questions of you. You are likely to shy away from conflict out of a mixture of fear and respect. All of that is normal and expected. But you need to try… [more]

Reminder: Adoptive Families are Human

September 22nd, 2008

While reading some posts in the Considering Your Options forum, I came across an interesting quote by an adoptive mother. I'll just throw it out here right off the bat: I think if someone is on the road to adoption, through foster or privately, they have patience. I think that would be a given. I will admit to laughing out loud. To be fair to this adoptive mother, she was responding to another forum post in which the advice given basically said to push the limits and test the potential adoptive family by "acting obnoxious" to see if they would act or react in an appropriate manner. Let me tell you: that's not the way to go. Don't do it. It's silly. But the advice… [more]

Spending Time with the Adoptive Family

April 29th, 2008
Categories: Spending Time With

An expectant mother considering adoption recently asked me: “I have recently chosen a couple that will become my baby’s adoptive parents. I still have about ten weeks of my pregnancy left and would like to spend time with the adoptive family getting to know them better however my parents think I shouldn’t. What are your thoughts on this?” Once I had chosen S and A to be Charlie’s parents and we were moving forward with the adoption plan I, like you, wanted to spend a lot of time with them getting to know them better. I had a few reasons for wanting to spend time with them before my baby was born. First of all, I wanted to get to know them better as they were going to… [more]

The “Perfect” Family

February 21st, 2008

Are you searching for the perfect family for your child? Many times I have heard expectant mothers making adoption plans comment that they are searching for the perfect family to adopt their child. I have seen some mothers choose families pretty quickly as they find a family that meets what they are looking for easily while others may struggle, take a long time looking through profiles of prospective couples, interview and meet with multiple couples, and have a harder time finding a family that meets what they are looking for. What constitutes a perfect family? Is it two parents? Is it a couple who is financially stable? Is it a family where one parent can stay at home with the children? Let’s be realistic; there… [more]

Spending Time with the Chosen Family

July 12th, 2007

Once you have selected adoptive parents, you must decide what type of communication you’d like with them prior to the birth of your baby. Do you wish to spend time with them and get to know them? Do you wish to have them at doctor’s appointments with you? Or do you wish to communicate through emails and phone calls? Or do your prefer to have no contact at all? The ball is in your court with pre-birth contact and you have to decide what option is the best for YOU. There are different theories when it comes to pre-birth contact. One theory is that spending time with and getting to know the adoptive prior to the birth of your child can make you feel more secure… [more]