Open Adoption: Does He Know?

September 1st, 2011

nellieIt truly amazes me as I look back, how much one child changed me life forever. After receiving pictures in the mail from the adoptive family today and secluding myself into my room I really looked at them. As tears slipped down my cheeks my only thought was this: Does he know how much he is loved? I may not be an immediate part of his life, but I am the one who carried him for 9 months, and held him as my own for four days , when he was really never mine to begin with. I loved him for our four days, with such depth that I lost sleep, just to squeeze every minute out of the hospital experience. I loved him, and… [more]

Open Adoption: My Journey

September 1st, 2011

mountain_roadWhen I was a little girl, I never dreamt I would become pregnant and place a child for adoption. I didn’t understand until I saw the caseworkers walk out the hospital door with my newborn son Phoenix, the finality of my decision. It was heartbreaking and for awhile I struggled with where I was in that. The great part of my story, the part I reflect on when times are hard is the perfect family he became a part of. I didn’t have a family picked out. He was going to a foster family, whom I knew nothing about. When I met the foster mom, I asked her how my baby was doing. When she replied, I was blown away by her authenticity… [more]

Finding Parents!

July 12th, 2011

reding_womanChoosing parents is a really fun and involved part of the adoption process one must focus on! This is the family that will be taking care of your child for the rest of its life. It will be hard because they will call them 'Mom & Dad' , but you have to remember, you are making this decision for the right reason, you must embrace it! Now, I will tell you my story because I think it is awesome. My boyfriend and I wanted parents who weren't able to have children. When my social worker first came and met with us about choosing a family, she brought three books with her. Two of the families already had children. One was a natural baby… [more]

Crisis Vs Pregnancy

March 10th, 2011

1153643_abstract_storm_2 In my previous post, I began talking about the difference between an unplanned pregnancy and a crisis. I want to share my experiences and demonstrate the difference between a pregnancy and a crisis, so others won't make my same mistakes. My experience of going into the hospital with premature labor took away all of my control around my pregnancy and birth. If I could change anything, I would have found a midwife and had a homebirth. When the doctor transferred me into her care, I asked for help with my baby. She stated adoption as the solution because I was unmarried and not Catholic. She gave me several profiles of families to look through that went to her church. The day after… [more]

Religion as a Deciding Factor

February 25th, 2010

ChurchAs you continue to consider an adoption plan, different topics come up as to what you are looking for in a family for your child. For many, religion or the lack thereof happens to be a key factor in the final decision. It's interesting to me that religion plays such a key role considering the fluctuation that can exist in a person's or family's belief system. Some expectant parents want their child to be raised in a family that subscribes to their beliefs. They want their child to attend the same kind of church that they attended while growing up. Some get as specific as to require the same denomination. Similarly, some expectant parents are seeking parents who identify as atheist or agnostic… [more]

Wanting Your Child to Have a Stay-At-Home Parent

January 27th, 2010

On the BeachOver the years I've found that many mothers who relinquished went into their adoption planning period hoping to find a parent who would be able to stay home with their child. The reasons varied from wanting to make sure that the child had enough attention to coming from a home that didn't offer a stay-at-home parent to just about any other personal reason. In my opinion, most of those reasons can be traced back to another, sometimes unspoken desire: financial stability. The world assumes that when one parent stays home, the family is financially stable enough on one income. Sometimes this is true. Sometimes it is not so true. I can see, however, especially if an expectant mother considering placement has… [more]

Understanding the Voluntary Termination of Parental Rights

November 30th, 2009

Sigining PapersIn the world of adoption lingo, Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) is a frequently discussed phrase. Unfortunately, as laws differ from state to state, understanding the process can be difficult. It's hard to research the topic in places like our forums as each individual adoption scenario will have its own unique outcome regarding the process of terminating the rights of a mother and father. I thought it would benefit you if we looked at the topic as it affects you and your child. In the simplest of terms, the Termination of Parental Rights is a legal process that severs the ties from the biological family and gives all parenting rights to the adoptive family. It gets more complex than that when you… [more]

Communicating Your Desires with an Agency

October 30th, 2009

CommunicatingIf you are considering relinquishment, you may be working with an adoption agency. Adoption agencies can be a great tool to use when seeking out potential adoptive parents for your child. They can also hinder the process in certain ways. I always talk about the absolute need to find an ethical adoption agency. However, I want you to consider something very important that isn't really an ethical matter but more of a business matter. That sounds awful, doesn't it? That the placement of your baby would be likened to that of a business transaction? Unfortunately, to too many agencies, it comes down to that. Even if you remove the money from the equation, the truth is that some social workers and agency workers… [more]

Important Reminder: You Are Not Required to Stay With an Agency

September 29th, 2009

Red FlagAwhile ago an expectant mother considering placement asked a series of questions as to whether or not she should stick with the agency she had initially contacted. Her questions boiled down to one: Should I find a new agency? Gut instinct tells me that if you're even asking yourself that question, the answer is probably, "Yes." This isn't always the case, of course, as some people have personalities that are prone to doubting. However, if you are actively asking yourself questions as to the ethics, moral compass or financial profit of the agency, you're probably right to step back and reconsider the agency for another. All too often the parents considering placement are lead to believe that once they have sent in their forms… [more]

Is Your Agency Properly Promoting Open Adoption?

September 28th, 2009

Open DoorIf you are considering relinquishment and working with an adoption agency, I encourage you to look at some of the ways in which they are talking to you, about adoption and about your future. It can be overwhelming to come into a possible placement without knowing anything about adoption. Some agencies take advantage of that fact, hoping that you'll take everything they say at face value. While there are some great agencies out there who offer you all of the information needed in able to make an informed decision, not every agency works in such an ethical manner. As such, it's important for you to know a few things. Some adoption agencies promote open adoption out the wazoo. Don't get me wrong… [more]