Living to Love

January 31st, 2012
Posted By: on Crisis Pregnancy

For those who know, I am a birth-first mother who has experienced two unplanned pregnancies--one in adulthood and one in my teens. I have always had a "modus operandi"--a way of handling difficult things. Something in common with both pregnancies-- I ran away from responsibility, didn't face the truth of the situation and when things got tough I found a way to cope. I escaped into video games, and TV and decided to not face the change that would happen, whether I was ready or not. With the first born, Kenny, I celebrated and my pregnancy was very public and I was unaware of what it would take to become a parent. I had a ton of people come visit me in the hospital, and my family even welcomed me back into the… [more]

What Adoption Means To Me

January 14th, 2011

1093950_happy_kidsThe definition of Adoption: "an instance of adopting somebody or something such as an idea, name, or attitude." I love this definition because the adoption experience is all about overcoming your own preconceived notions of how your life is going to be and accepting a new course. I think all people affected by adoption go through this process. Adoptive couples often have to overcome the fact that they cannot have biological children of their own. Birthparents have to overcome the fact that they are pregnant and not prepared. Adopted children have to overcome the fact that they are raised by parents that are not biological.   Each one of these situations can be a tragedy

Miscarriages, Pregnancy, and Infant Loss

October 15th, 2007
Categories: Grief/Loss

One of the things that I think many women considering adoption don’t think about is that they never may be able to have anymore children. It was certainly not something that I thought about. I just assumed that I would be able to have more children when I was ready to. And then we decided we were ready and we tried and we tried and we tried. Finally we conceived and were thrilled beyond words. But then the unexpected happened and we lost that baby. Having dealt with three miscarriages and one relinquishment, I unfortunately know way more than I ever wanted to know about grief and loss. Miscarriages are common. According to the Hope Exchange about one in four reported pregnancies end in miscarriage… [more]

Small moments of grief

September 23rd, 2006

If you become a birthmom, there are many small moments of grief that may sneak up on you, things you never anticipated being an issue before you surrender your child. I pretty much knew to expect the Big Grief (although I definitely underestimated just how big it would be) but I certainly never thought that the small pangs would add up in quite the way that they do. In some ways, these tiny pinpricks wear you down more than the regular grieving process does – because unlike the main grief, they don’t progress through logical stages, and they don’t reduce in intensity. Here are a few such instances from my own life: --Two months after my son’s birth, receiving a free sample of baby… [more]

Grief Series – Final – When Grieving Takes Over

July 15th, 2006
Categories: Grief/Loss, Health

As I said before, there is no time table for grief and you can stay in one stage for days/weeks and then move to a different stage and then you might even track back. All of this is healthy and ok. It’s hard to get to a healthy balance of grieving and living. When grief is too intense or last too long it can cause prolonged problems as the sadness evolves into dark depression and anxiety disorders. Extreme reactions may include:

  • Feelings of panic and frenzy
  • Emotional numbness that does not go away
  • Going to extremes to avoid thinking of the loss such as abusing drugs or alcohol or becoming totally immersed in work
It’s important to know that grief and depression are not… [more]

Grieving Part 3 – Coping with Your Grief

July 14th, 2006
Categories: Grief/Loss, Health

You are trying to cope with the stress and largeness of your grief. You are taking things on a day to day basis – just trying to survive. Each of us has different ways to deal with our grief just as we each deal with grief differently. Recall how you have dealt with major loss in the past and use some of those techniques now. It is important to remember that some ways of coping are healthy and positive such as journaling, crying, etc while other methods of coping such as substance abuse are unhealthy and self destructive. Some ways to cope –

  • Allow yourself to experience the grief and mourning. In no way, I am saying do not grieve or mourn a loss