Living to Love

January 31st, 2012
Posted By: on Crisis Pregnancy

For those who know, I am a birth-first mother who has experienced two unplanned pregnancies--one in adulthood and one in my teens. I have always had a "modus operandi"--a way of handling difficult things. Something in common with both pregnancies-- I ran away from responsibility, didn't face the truth of the situation and when things got tough I found a way to cope. I escaped into video games, and TV and decided to not face the change that would happen, whether I was ready or not. With the first born, Kenny, I celebrated and my pregnancy was very public and I was unaware of what it would take to become a parent. I had a ton of people come visit me in the hospital, and my family even welcomed me back into the… [more]

Becoming A Birth-First Mother

January 6th, 2012
Posted By: on Crisis Pregnancy
Categories: Decisions, Emotions

heartThis has been a subject on my heart for a long time, something I haven't been sure about how to approach until now. My pregnancies were really difficult emotionally and physically, as I spent one preparing to parent and one to place 7 years after that. Both choices are hard, and both have long term effects on your life. There was a lot of dark times when I was pregnant both times (ages 16 and 25), but I will focus on Phoenix's for the purpose of this blog. I remember fear so deep that it paralyzed me and kept me downtrodden, depression that could have capsized the Titanic with a thought. I didn't have a lot of family support and spent my pregnant life simply… [more]

The Hows and Whys

November 18th, 2011
Posted By: on Crisis Pregnancy

heartSomeone asked me along time ago why I chose adoption. For me it was as simple as a switch; on or off, right or wrong? It was also very complicated choosing which way to go, but eventually love found a way. I was in a pretty destitute situation at the time, living from hand to mouth. Basic survival was a fight both mentally and physically. Somewhere in the mess of my head, something said, "Wake up and smell the coffee then deal with it." So I did. There are some people who say, "Adoption is an easy way out."  To those, I would say some unkind words and make them regret they ever thought that. Why? Because it was losing a child, and the grief… [more]

Taking Care of Yourself While Sorting through Your Options

November 14th, 2011

963185_pregnancyTaking care of yourself is one of the most important things you can do, especially if you're pregnant--whether it's a planned or unplanned pregnancy. However, this may be difficult to do while you're sorting through your unplanned pregnancy options. The process of sorting through your options can be long, tedious, and sometimes overwhelming, as you have many facts to consider, but taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally is a crucial part of making an informed decision. And an informed decision is the best decision you could ever make. Mentally: During this important period of decision-making, your mind can seem to get in the way sometimes. And because of this, it's important to take some mental breaks throughout the process. When you… [more]

What Adoption Means To Me

January 14th, 2011

1093950_happy_kidsThe definition of Adoption: "an instance of adopting somebody or something such as an idea, name, or attitude." I love this definition because the adoption experience is all about overcoming your own preconceived notions of how your life is going to be and accepting a new course. I think all people affected by adoption go through this process. Adoptive couples often have to overcome the fact that they cannot have biological children of their own. Birthparents have to overcome the fact that they are pregnant and not prepared. Adopted children have to overcome the fact that they are raised by parents that are not biological.   Each one of these situations can be a tragedy

Dealing with the Loneliness of Pregnancy

December 30th, 2009
Categories: Emotions

LonelyWith New Year's Eve tomorrow, you may be feeling a strong sense of loneliness. Perhaps your friends are all planning a big party that you don't feel up to or comfortable attending while pregnant. Maybe you're missing family members who aren't being supportive of your pregnancy. If you're currently separated from your baby's biological father, you may be missing him as well. New Year's Eve is a tough time to be alone. It's even more difficult while pregnant. In fact, loneliness during pregnancy isn't just limited to those who are experiencing unplanned pregnancies. Many expectant mothers suddenly find themselves missing their friends and acquaintances after the Big News has been shared with others. They can feel shut off by those who don't know… [more]

Can You Find a Silver Lining?

February 26th, 2009
Categories: Emotions

When experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, it can be difficult to focus on the positive. In fact, it can be difficult to find anything remotely positive about your current situation. That's why I encourage you to look for the silver lining. There will be something about what you are currently experiencing that will be good. The reality of that silver lining is that it might not be for the immediate good but somewhere in the future. So how do you go about finding that silver lining? You think long and hard. There are some questions that you can ask yourself. Here are some that I asked myself during my first pregnancy and in the immediate aftermath. 1. Did this pregnancy stop you from doing something that wasn't right for you?… [more]

Encouragement from Another’s Denial

November 29th, 2008
Categories: Advice, Decisions, Emotions

Finding out that you are expecting an unexpected baby can be difficult no matter your station in life. Whether you are young and single or old and married or any combination thereof, the news can be hard to take at first. When you are the first in your "group" who is experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, you can feel very overwhelmed with those kind of feelings. You can even beat yourself up for feeling the way that you are, certain that it is a sign that you are not meant to be a good mother. I remember those feelings. I let them dictate my pregnancy and plans. The truth is that all mothers have doubt, even those with planned pregnancies. But for those who think I'm just… [more]

Are You Angry?

November 3rd, 2008
Categories: Emotions

No one plans to experience an unplanned pregnancy. (Or they wouldn't be unplanned!) Perhaps the sudden thrust into making decisions you have never before considered has left you angry. If so, read on. (Perhaps not, but read on anyway because the possibility of some anger issues isn't unheard of with regard to unplanned pregnancy!) Maybe you're angry at your child's father, whether it was consensual sex or not. Maybe you're angry with your parents for being angry with you or for refusing to offer any support. Maybe you're angry with friends who have suddenly dropped off the face of the Earth since you announced your pregnancy. Maybe you're angry with society for being anti-abortion but anti-single-young-mothers as well. Maybe you're just plain old angry. Whatever the case… [more]

Overwhelming Love

October 26th, 2007
Categories: Emotions

The love a first time mother (or well any mother for that matter) feels for her child can be so overwhelming! Overwhelming in a good way, of course! I used the word first time mother in the previous sentence because I think that the love a first time mother feels for her baby may just blow her way. Someone who is already a mother is aware of that indescribable, astronomical amount of love that you feel for this little person instantly. When I had my first baby, Noah, I was not prepared for that love. Of course, I loved him while he was in my womb, but there is something very different about seeing and feeling a baby in the womb and then holding… [more]