Becoming A Birth-First Mother

January 6th, 2012
Posted By: on Crisis Pregnancy
Categories: Decisions, Emotions

heartThis has been a subject on my heart for a long time, something I haven't been sure about how to approach until now. My pregnancies were really difficult emotionally and physically, as I spent one preparing to parent and one to place 7 years after that. Both choices are hard, and both have long term effects on your life. There was a lot of dark times when I was pregnant both times (ages 16 and 25), but I will focus on Phoenix's for the purpose of this blog. I remember fear so deep that it paralyzed me and kept me downtrodden, depression that could have capsized the Titanic with a thought. I didn't have a lot of family support and spent my pregnant life simply… [more]

The Hows and Whys

November 18th, 2011
Posted By: on Crisis Pregnancy

heartSomeone asked me along time ago why I chose adoption. For me it was as simple as a switch; on or off, right or wrong? It was also very complicated choosing which way to go, but eventually love found a way. I was in a pretty destitute situation at the time, living from hand to mouth. Basic survival was a fight both mentally and physically. Somewhere in the mess of my head, something said, "Wake up and smell the coffee then deal with it." So I did. There are some people who say, "Adoption is an easy way out."  To those, I would say some unkind words and make them regret they ever thought that. Why? Because it was losing a child, and the grief… [more]

Taking Care of Yourself While Sorting through Your Options

November 14th, 2011

963185_pregnancyTaking care of yourself is one of the most important things you can do, especially if you're pregnant--whether it's a planned or unplanned pregnancy. However, this may be difficult to do while you're sorting through your unplanned pregnancy options. The process of sorting through your options can be long, tedious, and sometimes overwhelming, as you have many facts to consider, but taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally is a crucial part of making an informed decision. And an informed decision is the best decision you could ever make. Mentally: During this important period of decision-making, your mind can seem to get in the way sometimes. And because of this, it's important to take some mental breaks throughout the process. When you… [more]

Crisis Vs Pregnancy

March 10th, 2011

1153643_abstract_storm_2 In my previous post, I began talking about the difference between an unplanned pregnancy and a crisis. I want to share my experiences and demonstrate the difference between a pregnancy and a crisis, so others won't make my same mistakes. My experience of going into the hospital with premature labor took away all of my control around my pregnancy and birth. If I could change anything, I would have found a midwife and had a homebirth. When the doctor transferred me into her care, I asked for help with my baby. She stated adoption as the solution because I was unmarried and not Catholic. She gave me several profiles of families to look through that went to her church. The day after… [more]

Emotional Support in Pregnancy

March 3rd, 2011

pregoA crisis pregnancy is a turning point that is a significant emotional event. It doesn’t matter how you got here; it matters what you do with this time. People who have planned pregnancies have thought about everything of when ovulation starts to college plans. These long term plans change quickly as children develop their own personalities and ideas, and most of these things aren’t necessary to worry about at this time. When making decisions in a crisis pregnancy, the most important thing is to get “out” of the crisis mode. Make sure that you surround yourself with people who are interested in you, and supporting you and your ethics. One thing that I recommend to all pregnant women, and especially pregnant women in… [more]

What Adoption Means To Me

January 14th, 2011

1093950_happy_kidsThe definition of Adoption: "an instance of adopting somebody or something such as an idea, name, or attitude." I love this definition because the adoption experience is all about overcoming your own preconceived notions of how your life is going to be and accepting a new course. I think all people affected by adoption go through this process. Adoptive couples often have to overcome the fact that they cannot have biological children of their own. Birthparents have to overcome the fact that they are pregnant and not prepared. Adopted children have to overcome the fact that they are raised by parents that are not biological.   Each one of these situations can be a tragedy

Why Me?

January 7th, 2011

sadnessWhy oh why oh why did this happen to me?? I asked myself this over and over when I first realized I was pregnant. Why me? I am just a good girl that fell in love with the wrong guy. Why didn't this happen to one of the many girls I know that constantly sleep around? How come I had to get pregnant? You might be asking yourself the same question. Here was my answer then and now; "It just did. Now make the best you possibly can out of it." Finding out how to do that is the hard part. At first I thought the best and easiest thing to do was to stay with my boyfriend and maybe even marry him. I visualized… [more]

The Argument for Agencies

February 26th, 2010

Sometimes agencies get a bad reputation. Some of them come by it of their own accord and others simply get swept into the same unfortunate category thanks to the unethical practices of their cohorts. The truth is that there are some great agencies out there who do work very hard to provide a good experience for expectant parents and adoptive parents alike. I wish all agencies would open their eyes and realize how much potential for good they have at their fingertips. They have the ability to provide you with everything you need in one quick stop. Some fall short, however, leaving you under-represented legally or under-counseled emotionally. Good agencies do the following things: Provide you with a wide array of potential families from which to choose. They won't limit the number from… [more]

Considering Your Biological Clock

February 2nd, 2010

ClockAn article published recently lets us know that most of our eggs are used up by the time we hit 30. What does that mean? It means that if you wait to try and conceive until after that age, or later, you may have difficulty, need intervention or be unsuccessful. Of course, if you're reading this blog and under the age of 30, you're likely thinking, "Well, this article doesn't apply to me now and certainly won't matter in my life." Not so fast and not so true. In working with the agency through which I placed, I was told, time and time again, that I could go on to have babies later in life, when the time was right. What no one… [more]

What to Believe About Adoption in the Media

January 31st, 2010

NewsIf you pay any attention to television shows, the news, books, magazines or anything the media has to offer, adoption comes up now and again. If you have no previous experience with the subject of adoption and are now considering relinquishment, it may be hard for you to decide what to believe about adoption from the different ways that they media portrays it. Movies like Juno make it seem like an easy decision. News stories make adoption seem like it's always a kidnapping gone wrong type of story, where birth parents steal babies back or adoptive parents abuse their children. Books, fictional and factual, present one-sided views of the topic, leaving you confused as to whether adoption is good or evil. In… [more]