Depending on how your baby's father reacted to the news of your shared pregnancy, you may or may not be looking forward to broaching the subject of adoption. If you have been researching the topic on your own, you will eventually have to have another one of "Those Discussions." They feel big and scary. The uncertainty of his response might have you dragging your feet. Most of the fear, however, is the unknown. Once you tell him and receive his reaction, you can plan accordingly. As such, you should tell him about your thoughts on adoption as soon as you can muster the courage. The reality of the situation is that your baby's father has rights. As you have decided at… [more]
If the father of your child does want to be involved during your pregnancy, how can you involve him in your pregnancy when you are the one doing all the hard work, ya know, carrying a baby and all? Below are some ways that an involved expectant father can support you during your pregnancy. Most of these suggestions will work regardless of what decision you ultimately make regarding parenting or placing your baby.
- He can help you out with any housekeeping duties around the house especially during your first and third trimesters of pregnancy, when fatigue is at its worst.
- He can help you with any heavy lifting, like bringing in the groceries.
- He can attend a childbirth
In my last post, I talked about birthfather involved. Since I did not have the involvement of Charlie’s birthfather in my own adoption experienced, I asked a fellow birthmother, Kim*, to share her story of how her daughter’s birthfather was positively involved during the pregnancy. Kim leaned on her boyfriend, Rick*, for support throughout her pregnancy and after relinquishment. In early 2002, Kim and Rick were living together when Kim discovered that she was pregnant. Initially they were going to parent, but ultimately decided that adoption would be the best answer for their child due to medical problems. Kim’s boyfriend Rick was very involved in the adoption process. He found the agency that they decided to work with and when they began looking through… [more]
I don’t write a whole lot about expectant fathers being involved in the adoption process. “Why” you may be wondering… A great deal of what I write here is either based on my personal experience from my own unplanned pregnancies or prompted by them. Since I did not have the involvement of Charlie’s birthfather during my pregnancy and the adoption process, I have no personal experience to go from. When I found out I was pregnant (at nearly five months along) Charlie’s birthfather and I were no longer involved. When I told him I was pregnant, he was not very happy. He wanted the whole situation to just “go away” and was not involved in the adoption process what so ever. He wanted absolutely nothing to do… [more]
Depending on the relationship with your unborn baby’s father, the prospect of telling him that you are pregnant might be very scary. Personally speaking, I was very nervous about telling Charlie’s biological father I was pregnant. We were no longer dating or even on speaking terms so I’m sure he knew that something was up when I called him up out of the blue and asked him to meet me at my apartment.
- Before you tell him, if you have only taken a home pregnancy test, you may want to confirm with a doctor or health department that you are indeed pregnant. If you are no longer together, there may be no need in telling him until it is confirmed
A lot of times women making adoption plans do not have the support of their child’s father or expectant fathers may be forgotten when it comes to planning and decision making regarding adoption, but they have rights too. In my experiences, I have seen more women make adoption plans that do not have the support of their children's fathers. However, I have seen some really awesome men support their partner as they made decisions together for their child's future. Involved expectant fathers can share some of the weight of decision making with the expectant mother. In open adoptions, birthfathers can be involved as well and provide children with another link to their biological history. Expectant fathers have rights and responsibilities just as… [more]
One of the first things you need to do when you find out you’re pregnant is to share this news with the father of your baby. It’s tempting to want to skip this part---especially if you were not in a relationship with the father, or if you are in a relationship, but things have turned sour. It’s also difficult, when you feel pretty certain that this man is not likely to offer you any support, emotional or financial, to turn to him and tell him you are carrying your mutual child. It can make you feel like you are begging. Your pride may make you want to say, "I'll handle this myself---I don't need his help." You might think it will be easier on all concerned if he is not… [more]