How Do You Tell People?

March 20th, 2013

pregnantEither you've gotten the two pink lines,  or your doctor has just informed you that you are indeed pregnant. Your mind is awash with the fact that this wasn't a planned situation. Your heart beats a little faster, maybe you cry a little. Perhaps you are confused because you were safe and had used contraception. Whatever the case, you are now informed that you are pregnant. What's next?  Before you figure out what you want to do regarding your pregnancy, I suggest finding someone to talk to about your pregnancy. This could be a therapist, a family member or a friend. Find someone who will support you unconditionally and won't rush you into making a decision that isn't yours. At this stage of… [more]

The Hows and Whys

November 18th, 2011
Posted By: on Crisis Pregnancy

heartSomeone asked me along time ago why I chose adoption. For me it was as simple as a switch; on or off, right or wrong? It was also very complicated choosing which way to go, but eventually love found a way. I was in a pretty destitute situation at the time, living from hand to mouth. Basic survival was a fight both mentally and physically. Somewhere in the mess of my head, something said, "Wake up and smell the coffee then deal with it." So I did. There are some people who say, "Adoption is an easy way out."  To those, I would say some unkind words and make them regret they ever thought that. Why? Because it was losing a child, and the grief… [more]

Open Adoption: Does He Know?

September 1st, 2011

nellieIt truly amazes me as I look back, how much one child changed me life forever. After receiving pictures in the mail from the adoptive family today and secluding myself into my room I really looked at them. As tears slipped down my cheeks my only thought was this: Does he know how much he is loved? I may not be an immediate part of his life, but I am the one who carried him for 9 months, and held him as my own for four days , when he was really never mine to begin with. I loved him for our four days, with such depth that I lost sleep, just to squeeze every minute out of the hospital experience. I loved him, and… [more]

Open Adoption: My Journey

September 1st, 2011

mountain_roadWhen I was a little girl, I never dreamt I would become pregnant and place a child for adoption. I didn’t understand until I saw the caseworkers walk out the hospital door with my newborn son Phoenix, the finality of my decision. It was heartbreaking and for awhile I struggled with where I was in that. The great part of my story, the part I reflect on when times are hard is the perfect family he became a part of. I didn’t have a family picked out. He was going to a foster family, whom I knew nothing about. When I met the foster mom, I asked her how my baby was doing. When she replied, I was blown away by her authenticity… [more]

Creating a Blessingway Ceremony to Honor Your Transition to Motherhood

March 15th, 2011

pregoI had the opportunity to go to a workshop called “Creating a Blessingway Ceremony” or “Mother’s Blessing”. It was so beautiful. Since I am working with pregnant women and families, I am able to participate and share with you all the wonderful ideas I learn of how to celebrate pregnancy. Looking back, I wish that I had done more ritual celebrations around my pregnancy. My experiences of the moments between the birth of my daughter and her adoption were slim. I hear other first moms talk about how precious it was when they got to hold their baby. When I held my baby, time stopped. I gazed into her precious eyes, and they swallowed me up. And, suddenly, she was gone. Whatever your decision… [more]

Why Me?

January 7th, 2011

sadnessWhy oh why oh why did this happen to me?? I asked myself this over and over when I first realized I was pregnant. Why me? I am just a good girl that fell in love with the wrong guy. Why didn't this happen to one of the many girls I know that constantly sleep around? How come I had to get pregnant? You might be asking yourself the same question. Here was my answer then and now; "It just did. Now make the best you possibly can out of it." Finding out how to do that is the hard part. At first I thought the best and easiest thing to do was to stay with my boyfriend and maybe even marry him. I visualized… [more]

Listen Carefully to Advice

February 20th, 2009

The other day I told you to seek out other birth parents to learn about their experiences with adoption. Today I am telling you to listen carefully to their advice. However, don't misunderstand what I am saying. While "listen carefully" can mean to listen closely, it can also mean to listen with caution. What am I talking about? As you are pregnant, you may have noticed that everyone has a story to share about their pregnancy. Some are enlightening. Some are not-so-enlightening. While some are told with good intentions, others are told to make the one telling the story feel better about circumstances regarding their own pregnancy, labor and delivery. Adoption is no different in this way. People normally feel that by sharing their experience they are helping… [more]

Are People Balking at Your Adoption Plan?

October 22nd, 2008

I just wrote over on the birth parent blog how people sometime balk when I talk about my daughter or share our adoption story. However, having been in your shoes before, I can also remember when people would balk when I would talk about how I was placing my child for adoption when she was born. Having the hindsight I have now, as a birth mother, I thought I could offer you some support and some insight into what they may be thinking or feeling. It doesn't excuse any disrespect on their part but sometimes understanding where people are coming from can really help soothe your own wounds. As I told different people about the plan to place my daughter for adoption after she was born… [more]

A Letter from a Birthmom to an Expectant Mother

March 29th, 2007

Dear Expectant Mother, You are in the midst of an unplanned pregnancy. You are probably feeling many different emotions; scared, confused, overwhelmed, and indecisive, just to name a few. Yet, you are probably in awe and somewhat connected to the little life growing inside of you. You may or may not have support from the father of your baby, your friends and your family. Regardless of the amount of support you have, you are facing many challenges in the road ahead. You have the option to parent. You wonder if you will be a good mother. You wonder if you can juggle a baby with the other things you have currently going on in your life plus the financial challenges that parenting a baby… [more]

The Right Thing

September 4th, 2006

Recently, Mary Anne Cohen, a birthmother and author of a terrific adoption newsletter called Origins, had some things to say about how it’s not possible to predict how adoption will work out for our kids. The best we can do is try to figure out what’s best at the time, at the point of pregnancy—and that might not turn out to be the right answer over the long term. Here’s what Mary Anne says:“One of the worst things for me was the utter pointlessness of my pain as far as my son's life went. I WISH he had gotten the better life I imagined, the brighter, richer, more beautiful and mature parents, the happy childhood, the college education, the things I supposedly could… [more]