In the terrible years of the Yezhov terror, I spent seventeen months in the prison lines of Leningrad. Once, someone recognized me. Then a woman with bluish lips standing behind me, who, of course, had never heard me called by name before, woke up from the stupor to which everyone had succumbed and whispered in my ear (everyone spoke in whispers there):

"Can you describe this?’"

And I answered: "Yes, I can.

Then something that looked like a smile passed over what had once been her face."

- Anna Akhmatova in the preface to her poem, Requiem

Akhmatova’s preface expresses the survivor’s sense of duty to tell the world,... more

A common question I hear from new birthmothers is “does it get any easier?” It in that question is referring to the immense emotional pain and grief a new birthmother feels. I un-fondly remember being a new birthmother. Those first few days home from the hospital were so incredibly hard. All I really did was lie around and cry. Your body is still tired from just having given birth and in my case my body was healing from a c-section as well. So aside from just being physically exhausted and worn out, I was on emotional overload.

Being... more

As an expectant mother considering adoption you may be reading letters addressed “dear birthmother,” looking at areas on agency websites that say “for birthmothers,” and hear the word birthmother used in regards to you. I imagine it might all be a little confusing to you.

Are you a birthmother? No, not yet! And you may not become one at all if you do not follow through with an adoption plan.

Technically, you do not become a birthmother until you sign the relinquishment papers terminating your parental rights. Until that moment, you are simply... more

This question recently came to me via email from an expectant mother considering adoption and I thought it was important enough to bring to the attention of all expectant mothers considering adoption.

I am considering placing my child for adoption and am wondering how long I have to change my mind and get my daughter back once I sign papers?

Ok, first of all, if you are already thinking that you might want to take your daughter back, don’t sign those papers! Do not let an adoption agency, a family member, friend, partner, boyfriend,... more

I have been browsing the forums again and came across a question that pregnant women considering adoption have asked many times before.

I keep hearing stories of open adoptions closing as soon as the adoption is final and so it makes me wonder... how could a pbmom evaluate whether or not aparents are sincere about wanting to keep the adoption open? Are there signs (good or bad) pbmom could look for? Red flags?

For bmoms in adoptions that promised... more

I’ve written a few posts that pertain to common questions I am asked by pregnant women considering adoption. Another question I get asked a lot, especially by those considering open adoption, is – “Is it hard to see your baby at visits and then leave without him?”

That’s a good question but has a complex answer. To clarify, this question is usually referring to the post relinquishment visits. The visits you may have in the future with your child and his or her adoptive family.

I am not going to sugar coat things – it is very... more

In the past, I’ve done a few posts about the common questions pregnant women considering adoption ask me, the most popular being “Do you regret your decision?” I’d classify today’s topic as the third most asked question - “did you hold your child in the hospital?” I think some expectant moms considering adoption thinking that holding and spending time with their baby may make relinquishment more difficult.

In the older days of adoption,... more

I’ve mentioned before that a lot of expectant mothers considering adoption will ask me questions pertaining to how I have felt regarding certain aspects of adoption. One of the most popular questions, that I blogged about before, is “Do you regret adoption?” Second to that question, I get the question “How did you know adoption was the right decision for you?”

Again, not an easy question to answer. There is no way in the world to know for sure if adoption... more

As a birthmother, one of the questions I get asked the most by women considering adoption has to be “Do you regret placing your son for adoption?”

According to Mr. Webster, the definition of regret is:

regret (ri-'gret, verb 1 a : to mourn the loss or death of b : to miss very much 2 : to be very sorry for (regrets his mistakes)

Answering the question, “do you regret placing your son for adoption” is no easy task! It’s not really a question... more