The love a first time mother (or well any mother for that matter) feels for her child can be so overwhelming! Overwhelming in a good way, of course! I used the word first time mother in the previous sentence because I think that the love a first time mother feels for her baby may just blow her way. Someone who is already a mother is aware of that indescribable, astronomical amount of love that you feel for this little person instantly.

When I had my first baby, Noah, I was not prepared for that love. Of course, I loved him while he was in my womb, but there is... more

One of the things that I think many women considering adoption don’t think about is that they never may be able to have anymore children. It was certainly not something that I thought about. I just assumed that I would be able to have more children when I was ready to. And then we decided we were ready and we tried and we tried and we tried. Finally we conceived and were thrilled beyond words. But then the unexpected happened and we lost that baby. Having dealt with three miscarriages and one relinquishment, I unfortunately know way more than I ever wanted to know about grief and loss.

Miscarriages... more

“Regret is insight that comes a day too late.” ~ Unknown

I think the question I probably get asked the most from both birthmothers and pregnant women considering adoption alike has to be “Do you regret your decision to place your baby for adoption?” On the surface, one might think that question would have a simple yes or no answer. But oh boy, that’s a loaded question with a very complicated answer.

The way I look at it is that I made the best possible decision with the information I had at the time... more

Part 1

Guilt We tend to feel guilty when we have violated rules and not lived up to the expectations of others and most often, even ourselves. You may be feeling guilty because you are in an unplanned pregnancy. You may feel guilty for things you have done or things you have not done.

How do you deal with guilt?

Examine and analyze what is making you feel guilty. Is there anything you can do to... more

If you become a birthmom, there are many small moments of grief that may sneak up on you, things you never anticipated being an issue before you surrender your child.

I pretty much knew to expect the Big Grief (although I definitely underestimated just how big it would be) but I certainly never thought that the small pangs would add up in quite the way that they do. In some ways, these tiny pinpricks wear you down more than the regular grieving process does – because unlike the main grief, they don’t progress through logical stages, and they don’t reduce... more

As a birthmother, one of the questions I get asked the most by women considering adoption has to be “Do you regret placing your son for adoption?”

According to Mr. Webster, the definition of regret is:

regret (ri-'gret, verb 1 a : to mourn the loss or death of b : to miss very much 2 : to be very sorry for (regrets his mistakes)

Answering the question, “do you regret placing your son for adoption” is no easy task! It’s not really a question... more

As I said before, there is no time table for grief and you can stay in one stage for days/weeks and then move to a different stage and then you might even track back. All of this is healthy and ok. It’s hard to get to a healthy balance of grieving and living.

When grief is too intense or last too long it can cause prolonged problems as the sadness evolves into dark depression and anxiety disorders. Extreme reactions may include:

Feelings of panic and frenzy Emotional numbness that does not go away Going to extremes to avoid thinking of the loss ... more

You are trying to cope with the stress and largeness of your grief. You are taking things on a day to day basis – just trying to survive. Each of us has different ways to deal with our grief just as we each deal with grief differently. Recall how you have dealt with major loss in the past and use some of those techniques now. It is important to remember that some ways of coping are healthy and positive such as journaling, crying, etc while other methods of coping such as substance abuse are unhealthy and self destructive.

Some ways to cope –

Allow yourself to... more