I recently had the opportunity to interview a birthmom who relinquished her child through her state’s safe haven laws. Before I dive into the heart of the post, let me tell you a little bit about safe haven laws in case you are unfamiliar with them. Safe haven allows allow a mother to safely leave her newborn child at a designated safe haven such as a fire department or hospital anonymously without being charged for abandonment. The child is then placed for adoption through the state. Safe haven laws are now in effect in each of the United States.

I have always thought women who used safe haven laws to relinquish their children were mysterious. They typically remain anonymous and we... more

In my last post, I introduced you to Cari, a birthmother who brought her baby home for a week before placing her in an open adoption. While discussing this, one issue that came up in the conversation between Cari and I was the reaction of others.

Bringing a baby home before placement is not terribly common as far as I know. I can count the number of girls I know who have done this on one hand. Just to clarify, in this post I mean bringing the baby home before placement in the same sense... more

In my last post, I explained that one of your rights as the mother of your child is to take him or her home before making a final decision and placing. My friend, Cari, did just this last July after giving birth to her daughter, Selah. Cari knew that adoption was the right decision for Selah knew that the short stay in the hospital would not be enough time for her to spend with Selah so Cari opted to bring her baby home with her before placing her for adoption. Cari agreed to answer a few of my... more

Do I know women who feel good about their adoption decision? Sure. That’s not to say they don’t feel grief—-all birthparents feel grief. But they don’t have the extra pain of knowing they made the wrong decision. As one birth mother I know put it, “I regret having had to make the choice, because of course it’s the most awful decision you can ever have to make. But I don’t regret the choice itself.”

Makes perfect sense to me.

So what are the characteristics of these happier birthparents? I am thinking through all of the stories I know, and several common threads stand out. Here they are:

• The expectant parents had full control over their decision process. • They... more