Dear Expectant Mother,

You are in the midst of an unplanned pregnancy. You are probably feeling many different emotions; scared, confused, overwhelmed, and indecisive, just to name a few. Yet, you are probably in awe and somewhat connected to the little life growing inside of you.

You may or may not have support from the father of your baby, your friends and your family. Regardless of the amount of support you have, you are facing many challenges in the road ahead.

You have the option to parent. You wonder if you will be a good mother. You... more

Recently, Mary Anne Cohen, a birthmother and author of a terrific adoption newsletter called Origins, had some things to say about how it’s not possible to predict how adoption will work out for our kids. The best we can do is try to figure out what’s best at the time, at the point of pregnancy—and that might not turn out to be the right answer over the long term.

Here’s what Mary Anne says:

“One of the worst things for me was the utter pointlessness of my pain as far as my son's life went. I WISH he had gotten the better life... more

In my continuing effort to bring you words of advice from other birthmoms, here is some wise counsel from Cassie Sala.

Cassie lives in Washington state and is a doula who assists at home births. She is the birthmother of Sam, and the parent of two boys, Canyon and River. Sam’s family and Cassie have a very open adoption, seeing each other regularly.

Here is Cassie’s advice:

“The first thing I thought of when imagining what I would tell a woman in a crisis pregnancy (among many pieces of advice!) is to love that baby inside... more

I thought that one way to give you the widest possible range of advice would be to ask my birthparent friends what they would say to you. That way, you can hear from women and men in all kinds of adoptions, from open to closed, and from those who are satisfied with their decision as well as those who think it was a mistake.

Here’s the first installment.

Paula Henderson is a birthmom from New York. Her birth daughter is almost 17, and they have a fully open adoption. Paula volunteers as a birth mother support group leader. She writes:

“What would I tell a pregnant woman who is looking at all her options?

First - no choice you make will be an easy choice.... more