If you are considering open adoption and are being vocal with this consideration or doing any research, you may see (if you are reading online) and hear from others various myths about open adoption. One of those common myths is that open adoption is comparable to co-parenting. I’ve even heard some people go as far as to say that open adoption is a glorified form of baby sitting or that open adoption is “having your cake and eating it too.”

First of all, let’s look at the definition for co=parenting. Co-parenting is defined as:

An arrangement in which... more

Are you considering an open adoption plan for your unborn baby? I remember when I first heard of open adoption. Charlie’s adoptive mother, A, was actually the person who explained open adoption to me. There was so much I didn’t know about open adoption and honestly, I’m still learning things about open adoption. We kind of figure it out as we go along.

I’ve been living in an open adoption for over six years now. We’ve done some things correctly and we’ve made our share of mistakes too. Over the years, I’ve also gotten to know other birthmothers and adoptive parents... more

If you are making an adoption plan, something that you may want to start thinking about is a post adoption contact agreement.

What is a post adoption contact agreement? It is a written communication agreement between expectant mothers and/or fathers and prospective adoptive parents that detail contact between them after the finalization of the adoption. Detailed and child centered, post adoption contact agreements can lay out the future exchange of pictures, emails, phone calls, visits, etc. and include the frequency. Typically, these... more

In Faith’s recent post in the Hoping to Adopt blog, she talked about how both adoptive parents and the expectant mother (or parents) that are making an adoption plan together need to try and lay out boundaries and ground rules before the baby is born. I totally agree and have conveyed this in previous posts such as Post Adoption Contact Agreements.

There is one... more

If you are considering making an adoption plan for your unborn baby, you may be considering open adoption with on going contact. In open adoptions you will actively participate in making one.

You will begin to think about openness and the amount of openness and contact you may want in an adoption plan. There’s a lot to think about!

When you are in the midst of making an adoption plan it can be overwhelming and your mind may skip over some of the details. An ethical adoption agency or adoption professional should go over all of this with you... more

Blogger’s Note: It is not my intent with this post to create a “pain game” amongst birthmothers of varying degrees of openness in their adoption situations. We all have pain and I recognize that and don’t think it is necessarily easier for one birthmother over the other. I do however, wish to analyze, how at times open adoption maybe portrayed as having little pain to expectant mothers considering adoption.

Have you noticed on agency websites, brochures, adoption websites, etc at times paint open adoption as a rosy picture? That it’s almost as if they are saying, “If you choose open adoption, you will have little or no pain.” That getting to see your child is a compensation... more

(continued from previous post) Basically, birthparents in open adoptions are dependent upon the goodwill and continued commitment of the adoptive parents. In that sense, OA puts you in a highly subservient position, given that you must abide by the adoptive parents’ wishes, even if they don’t coincide with your own. At times, this can be one of the more uncomfortable parts of living out an open adoption.

Now, the adoptive parents in my audience may protest, because sometimes it does work the other way. I have talked to some very sad and bewildered... more

A recent post on Dr. G’s excellent Adoptive Parenting blog reminds me that I need to make sure you understand one very important fact:

In general, open adoptions are only open so long as the adoptive parents want them to be.

What do I mean by this? Well, it's a legal thing. There are just a handful of states where OA agreements are put in writing and may be enforced or upheld in a court of law. In the vast majority of states,... more

When you are considering making an adoption plan or if you are actively participating in making one, you will begin to think about openness and the amount of openness and contact you may want in an adoption plan. There’s a lot to think about!

So I thought it might be wise to go over some of the things you should think about. When you are in the midst of making an adoption plan it can be overwhelming and your mind may skip over some of the details. Aspects of the list below are not for everyone and are personal decisions that you must make regarding what you... more

Post Adoption Contact Agreements (try saying that three times fast) are written communication agreements between expectant mothers and/or fathers and prospective adoptive parents that detail contact between them after the finalization of the adoption. They are not legally binding or legally enforceable but yet I view them as a step in the right direction. Ultimately they can’t withstand without legal action, but at least they are become more common, viewed, used, etc. which in my opinion is at least taking one step forward.

Post Adoption Contact... more