A recent post on Dr. G’s excellent Adoptive Parenting blog reminds me that I need to make sure you understand one very important fact:

In general, open adoptions are only open so long as the adoptive parents want them to be.

What do I mean by this? Well, it's a legal thing. There are just a handful of states where OA agreements are put in writing and may be enforced or upheld in a court of law. In the vast majority of states,... more

When you are considering making an adoption plan or if you are actively participating in making one, you will begin to think about openness and the amount of openness and contact you may want in an adoption plan. There’s a lot to think about!

So I thought it might be wise to go over some of the things you should think about. When you are in the midst of making an adoption plan it can be overwhelming and your mind may skip over some of the details. Aspects of the list below are not for everyone and are personal decisions that you must make regarding what you... more

Post Adoption Contact Agreements (try saying that three times fast) are written communication agreements between expectant mothers and/or fathers and prospective adoptive parents that detail contact between them after the finalization of the adoption. They are not legally binding or legally enforceable but yet I view them as a step in the right direction. Ultimately they can’t withstand without legal action, but at least they are become more common, viewed, used, etc. which in my opinion is at least taking one step forward.

Post Adoption Contact... more

Continued from yesterday's post.....

Below are a few aspects of the importance of open adoption.

Provides a link to the child’s biological family - At some point in his or her life, your child will probably want to know about their biological family, why they were placed for adoption, who they look like, etc.. In open adoptions, the birth parents are there ready to answer questions when the child is ready to ask them. Adoption shouldn’t... more

Recently, I have posted about open adoption and tried to define what an open adoption typically consists of. I believe that open adoptions are beneficial to the children, in most cases. As I’ve said before, there are varying levels of open adoption and open adoptions are not legally binding.

Adoption is a life altering experience for all those involved. It is thought that open adoption makes the pain, grief, and loss issues less severe for each... more

Interfamily adoptions, which are more commonly known as relative adoptions, are defined as an adoption which results in the placement of a child for adoption with a relative. It could be your sister or maybe your parents or an aunt or an uncle. Like any other adoption relationship, your relative would become the legal parents of your child but you might see your child at family reunions, Christmas gatherings, get togethers, etc.

Just as with any other adoption, it’s a huge decision and perhaps one that you may already thinking of, so I... more

If you are making an adoption plan, you may be considering open adoption. Years ago, there were no open adoptions. Expecting mothers were shunned by their families and communities and often sent to maternity homes to have their babies. Their baby’s were then handed over to the agency or attorney handling the adoption, with little or no contact with their baby. Often times, they were not allowed to see or hold their baby. Allowing expectant mothers to choose the prospective adoptive parent - forget it!

We have come a long way from where we were then. Open adoption rates... more

So, I received my first request for a topic. The question was in relation to my post on Broken Promises.

“I wonder if you'd be willing to write something about how important it is for birthparents to honor their commitments to open adoption. As often as I see people talking about adoptive parents going back on contact, I also sometimes see people talking about birthparents who disappear or fall out of contact. I'd be really interested in hearing what birthparents/expectant parents think about the commitment of open adoption and what their commitment is about contact.”

Actually,... more

A genuine open adoption involves ongoing, reciprocal contact between birth and adoptive families. It’s about preserving ties to the child’s original identity and heritage, and making sure the child can always get direct answers to questions about why he or she was "given up"—straight from the source. Kids who grow up in open adoption feel more grounded, have fewer doubts and fears about being “unwanted,” and have the security that comes from being able to see themselves mirrored in their biological family.

Unfortunately, many adoption workers perpetuate the misunderstanding... more

So, you’re considering adoption for your baby. In finding prospective parents, is it best to conduct the search yourself, or to contact an adoption agency for guidance? This is a topic of great debate in the adoption community.

Some birthmothers feel glad that they went the private route, because they say it allowed them to have more control over their surrender experience. Others are glad they used an agency, because the agency later provided follow-up services they would’t have otherwise received…things like counseling, mediation, and ongoing support.

On the flip side, some women regret their experience with private adoption because it placed too much power in the hands... more