If you are considering open adoption and are being vocal with this consideration or doing any research, you may see (if you are reading online) and hear from others various myths about open adoption. One of those common myths is that open adoption is comparable to co-parenting. I’ve even heard some people go as far as to say that open adoption is a glorified form of baby sitting or that open adoption is “having your cake and eating it too.”

First of all, let’s look at the definition for co=parenting. Co-parenting is defined as:

An arrangement in which... more

Are you considering an open adoption plan for your unborn baby? I remember when I first heard of open adoption. Charlie’s adoptive mother, A, was actually the person who explained open adoption to me. There was so much I didn’t know about open adoption and honestly, I’m still learning things about open adoption. We kind of figure it out as we go along.

I’ve been living in an open adoption for over six years now. We’ve done some things correctly and we’ve made our share of mistakes too. Over the years, I’ve also gotten to know other birthmothers and adoptive parents... more

In my last post, I discussed independent adoptions. Now, let’s discuss agency adoptions. Once again, we will start off by defining “Agency Adoptions” from the Adoption Glossary.

Agency Adoptions: Adoption placements that are made by state licensed adoption agencies that screen prospective adoptive parents and supervise the placement of children in adoptive... more

As you are considering adoption, you may be reading about two of the different types of adoption; independent (also called private) adoptions and agency adoptions. There are pros and cons in each type of adoption. In this post and the next one, we will look at both of these types of adoption.

First off, let’s look at the definition for independent adoptions from the Adoption Glossary.

Independent Adoptions: These adoptions are arranged by an intermediary other than an adoption... more

If you are making an adoption plan, something that you may want to start thinking about is a post adoption contact agreement.

What is a post adoption contact agreement? It is a written communication agreement between expectant mothers and/or fathers and prospective adoptive parents that detail contact between them after the finalization of the adoption. Detailed and child centered, post adoption contact agreements can lay out the future exchange of pictures, emails, phone calls, visits, etc. and include the frequency. Typically, these... more

Now that we have explored the parenting option and I have provided you with some resources for parenting, let’s explore the adoption option. You’ve thought long and hard about it and you feel like adoption is going to be in the best interests of your baby and you are ready to move forward and begin making an adoption plan.

So, where do you start???

Well, I think one of the initial things you need to think about is what type of adoption you hope to have as that answer will dictate the agency or adoption professional you work with and ultimately... more

In Faith’s recent post in the Hoping to Adopt blog, she talked about how both adoptive parents and the expectant mother (or parents) that are making an adoption plan together need to try and lay out boundaries and ground rules before the baby is born. I totally agree and have conveyed this in previous posts such as Post Adoption Contact Agreements.

There is one... more

If you are considering making an adoption plan for your unborn baby, you may be considering open adoption with on going contact. In open adoptions you will actively participate in making one.

You will begin to think about openness and the amount of openness and contact you may want in an adoption plan. There’s a lot to think about!

When you are in the midst of making an adoption plan it can be overwhelming and your mind may skip over some of the details. An ethical adoption agency or adoption professional should go over all of this with you... more

Blogger’s Note: It is not my intent with this post to create a “pain game” amongst birthmothers of varying degrees of openness in their adoption situations. We all have pain and I recognize that and don’t think it is necessarily easier for one birthmother over the other. I do however, wish to analyze, how at times open adoption maybe portrayed as having little pain to expectant mothers considering adoption.

Have you noticed on agency websites, brochures, adoption websites, etc at times paint open adoption as a rosy picture? That it’s almost as if they are saying, “If you choose open adoption, you will have little or no pain.” That getting to see your child is a compensation... more

(continued from previous post) Basically, birthparents in open adoptions are dependent upon the goodwill and continued commitment of the adoptive parents. In that sense, OA puts you in a highly subservient position, given that you must abide by the adoptive parents’ wishes, even if they don’t coincide with your own. At times, this can be one of the more uncomfortable parts of living out an open adoption.

Now, the adoptive parents in my audience may protest, because sometimes it does work the other way. I have talked to some very sad and bewildered... more