Now that you've given some thought to what type of adoptive parents you want for your child, you may be curious to know the process of selecting a family. The process for most agencies is pretty similar, so I’ll describe a typical selection process, although depending on the agency or attorney you are working with, it may vary slightly.

How will I select a family? Once you choose to make an adoption plan, the agency or attorney you are working with, will probably have you start looking at family profiles and “dear birthmom letters”... more

Continued from Part 1 Is it important to me that my baby have a stay at home parent? Again for some young mothers choosing adoption, this is may be very important to them as it is another thing they can not give them. And for others, a stay at home parent is not quite as important. Some expectant mothers may have longed for a stay at home Mom growing up and may want their child to have a stay at home Mom.

Do... more

If you are making an adoption plan, you have probably been thinking a little on what type of family you would like for your baby. When choosing an adoptive family, there are many things to consider. Unlike the birthmothers of earlier years who had no say so in the family that would be raising their child, in this era, YOU get to decide the type of family you want to raise your child and YOU get to select them.

Before beginning the selection process, you should think long and hard about what type of family you are looking for. What characteristics... more

So you have decided to make an adoption plan and have been matched with potential adoptive parents. You may only have a few weeks left in your pregnancy or you may have a few more months. Should you continue to communicate pre-birth with the potential parents of your child?

This is something that is totally up to you and what you feel comfortable with. It may make you feel more secure in your decision to spend time getting to know the adoptive parents during the last few months of your pregnancy. You can communicate with them on the phone, exchange... more

Recently someone making an adoption plan asked me, “What questions am I allowed to ask the prospective adoptive parents?”

And the answer to that is pretty much anything! You are choosing the people that will raise your baby for the rest of his or her life. That is an extremely huge, important decision and one that can not be taken lightly. Interviewing prospective adoptive parents should give you a better look at who this family is.

Perhaps until this point, you have only seen a website with their family information on it or... more

So you are pregnant and making an adoption plan. You’ve chosen a prospective family and you are about to meet them face to face for the first time. Your heart is beating, your palms are sweaty, and your mouth is dry. You are a bundle of nerves! You feel like a schoolgirl on your first date. You are about to meet the people who may raise your baby.

I remember nervously getting ready to meet my son’s adoptive parents. I had met them previously as I was a waitress at the restaurant they frequently ate lunch at,... more

What makes a good parent?

Is it a wedding band? (I guess not, since plenty of single parents give birth or adopt, and do a fine job of raising children.)

Is it a nice house or a certain level of income? (I have a great job, and actually make more money than my son’s adoptive mom. But she is married, so their family income is higher. Does it even make a difference either way? How much is enough when it comes to material well-being?)

Is it being prepared for parenthood? (Maybe, maybe not. Plenty of married couples get pregnant unexpectedly, and... more

Let’s say you’ve decided you want to pursue adoption. How on earth do you interview prospective parents for your child? It's not one of those skills they teach in school.

Anyone would feel a little awkward and unsure in this situation, and you probably will too. Of course, the potential adoptive parents will feel the same. It isn’t easy for anyone.

You’ll probably have to meet many couples before you find one you "click" with. Once that happens, your discussions should feel more natural.

Apart from the obvious things, like chemistry and a good "vibe," what should... more

So you're looking at profiles, struggling with the monumental decision of what type of people would make the best parents for your baby. How on earth do you decide? What criteria should you use? How can anyone possibly sit in judgement on another family?

Obviously, choosing parents is a very personal decision, different for every woman. What's important to one expectant mother will not be a consideration at all to another.

Instead of giving you a laundry list of things to look for, I'll just ask you to think about big, overarching themes. I'll also assume you're setting the stage for a semi-open or open adoption since those are the most common arrangements these days. (I... more