An expectant mother considering adoption recently asked me:

“I have recently chosen a couple that will become my baby’s adoptive parents. I still have about ten weeks of my pregnancy left and would like to spend time with the adoptive family getting to know them better however my parents think I shouldn’t. What are your thoughts on this?”

Once I had chosen S and A to be Charlie’s parents and we were moving forward with the adoption plan I, like you, wanted to spend a lot of time with them getting to know them better.

I had a few... more

Are you searching for the perfect family for your child? Many times I have heard expectant mothers making adoption plans comment that they are searching for the perfect family to adopt their child. I have seen some mothers choose families pretty quickly as they find a family that meets what they are looking for easily while others may struggle, take a long time looking through profiles of prospective couples, interview and meet with multiple couples, and have a harder time finding a family that meets what they are looking for.

What constitutes a perfect family? Is... more

Once you have selected adoptive parents, you must decide what type of communication you’d like with them prior to the birth of your baby.

Do you wish to spend time with them and get to know them? Do you wish to have them at doctor’s appointments with you? Or do you wish to communicate through emails and phone calls? Or do your prefer to have no contact at all?

The ball is in your court with pre-birth contact and you have to decide what option is the best for YOU. There are different theories when it comes to pre-birth contact.

One theory is that spending time with and getting... more

Below are a few things to think about and consider during the process of choosing an adoptive family.

Don’t rush. While you may prefer to find a family during your pregnancy so you can start getting to know them before the birth of your baby, there is no rule that says they must be found and chosen before the birth of the baby. You can still choose a family afterwards so don’t let a near by due date rush you into a quick decision. Consider choosing an adoptive family that already has one (or more) adopted children in open adoptions. Ask to speak to their child’s... more

You may find it helpful to come up with a list of questions for prospective adoptive parents. Some of these questions could possibly be answered in their adoption profile; other questions may have to be directly asked.

Below is a list of possible questions you may want to ask potential adoptive parents.

Why do the prospective adoptive parents wish to adopt? What kind of adoption are the prospective adoptive parents looking for? (open, semi open, etc) What if any compromises are the prospective adoptive parents willing to make? How do the prospective... more

If you’ve educated yourself about adoption and parenting, explored parenting resources, and now have ultimately decided that adoption is the best choice for your situation, you now may begin to search for a family for your baby. Over the next few days, we will explore some of the issues involved in selecting an adoptive family for your child.

Choosing a family... more

You have asked the questions and narrowed it down to one or two families and now you want to meet them in person. You are probably feeling very nervous! Don’t worry its normal! And keep in mind, that the prospective adoptive parents are probably just as nervous as you are! This is uncharted territory for all of you and there are so many emotions involved so nerves are expected and normal.

If you are working with an adoption agency or through an adoption professional, typically they will mediate this initial meeting. This is good because they can help you ask your questions and fill any awkward, nervous silences that may occur. Your meeting will probably occur at the office of the... more

In today’s era of adoptions expectant mothers making adoption plans are able to choose the adoptive parents that they would like to raise their baby. This hasn’t always been possible. Older birthmothers were not given the option of choosing the adoptive parents.

Choosing a family can be overwhelming and confusing at times. Before you begin the process of choosing a family for your baby it is helpful to think about what type of characteristics you would like the family to have. Do you want one of them to be a stay at home parent? Do you want the family... more

Continued from Part 1

What happens next? These profiles are only meant to give you a glimpse of the prospective adoptive family. Typically an expectant mother will make initial choices from the profiles, and then may choose to communicate with the prospective adoptive parents via email or phone asking questions and getting to know them better. When all are comfortable, a face to face meeting can be set up. Usually an... more

Now that you've given some thought to what type of adoptive parents you want for your child, you may be curious to know the process of selecting a family. The process for most agencies is pretty similar, so I’ll describe a typical selection process, although depending on the agency or attorney you are working with, it may vary slightly.

How will I select a family? Once you choose to make an adoption plan, the agency or attorney you are working with, will probably have you start looking at family profiles and “dear birthmom letters”... more