Let’s say you’ve decided you want to pursue adoption. How on earth do you interview prospective parents for your child? It's not one of those skills they teach in school.

Anyone would feel a little awkward and unsure in this situation, and you probably will too. Of course, the potential adoptive parents will feel the same. It isn’t easy for anyone.

You’ll probably have to meet many couples before you find one you "click" with. Once that happens, your discussions should feel more natural.

Apart from the obvious things, like chemistry and a good "vibe," what should... more

So, I received my first request for a topic. The question was in relation to my post on Broken Promises.

“I wonder if you'd be willing to write something about how important it is for birthparents to honor their commitments to open adoption. As often as I see people talking about adoptive parents going back on contact, I also sometimes see people talking about birthparents who disappear or fall out of contact. I'd be really interested in hearing what birthparents/expectant parents think about the commitment of open adoption and what their commitment is about contact.”

Actually,... more

A genuine open adoption involves ongoing, reciprocal contact between birth and adoptive families. It’s about preserving ties to the child’s original identity and heritage, and making sure the child can always get direct answers to questions about why he or she was "given up"—straight from the source. Kids who grow up in open adoption feel more grounded, have fewer doubts and fears about being “unwanted,” and have the security that comes from being able to see themselves mirrored in their biological family.

Unfortunately, many adoption workers perpetuate the misunderstanding... more

I once got a newsletter from an adoption agency that claimed to practice open adoption. Their publication, however, showed the opposite of everything they said they believed.

There were no pictures or mentions of birthfamilies, just plenty of adoptive families with glowing descriptions of how they "got" their babies...as if those babies had materialized out of thin air. Birthparents, when mentioned at all, were referred to in derogatory ways, and those women who had changed their minds about relinquishing were heavily castigated for doing so. Adoptions that were mostly closed were referred to as "open," on the basis that pictures and letters were sometimes... more

So you're looking at profiles, struggling with the monumental decision of what type of people would make the best parents for your baby. How on earth do you decide? What criteria should you use? How can anyone possibly sit in judgement on another family?

Obviously, choosing parents is a very personal decision, different for every woman. What's important to one expectant mother will not be a consideration at all to another.

Instead of giving you a laundry list of things to look for, I'll just ask you to think about big, overarching themes. I'll also assume you're setting the stage for a semi-open or open adoption since those are the most common arrangements these days. (I... more

So, you’re considering adoption for your baby. In finding prospective parents, is it best to conduct the search yourself, or to contact an adoption agency for guidance? This is a topic of great debate in the adoption community.

Some birthmothers feel glad that they went the private route, because they say it allowed them to have more control over their surrender experience. Others are glad they used an agency, because the agency later provided follow-up services they would’t have otherwise received…things like counseling, mediation, and ongoing support.

On the flip side, some women regret their experience with private adoption because it placed too much power in the hands... more