Below are a few things to think about and consider during the process of choosing an adoptive family.

Don’t rush. While you may prefer to find a family during your pregnancy so you can start getting to know them before the birth of your baby, there is no rule that says they must be found and chosen before the birth of the baby. You can still choose a family afterwards so don’t let a near by due date rush you into a quick decision. Consider choosing an adoptive family that already has one (or more) adopted children in open adoptions. Ask to speak to their child’s... more

You may find it helpful to come up with a list of questions for prospective adoptive parents. Some of these questions could possibly be answered in their adoption profile; other questions may have to be directly asked.

Below is a list of possible questions you may want to ask potential adoptive parents.

Why do the prospective adoptive parents wish to adopt? What kind of adoption are the prospective adoptive parents looking for? (open, semi open, etc) What if any compromises are the prospective adoptive parents willing to make? How do the prospective... more

If you’ve educated yourself about adoption and parenting, explored parenting resources, and now have ultimately decided that adoption is the best choice for your situation, you now may begin to search for a family for your baby. Over the next few days, we will explore some of the issues involved in selecting an adoptive family for your child.

Choosing a family... more

If you are pregnant, your due date is getting closer each day. You should begin thinking about your upcoming labor and delivery and hospital stay. If you are making an adoption plan, you still call the shots in how you want things to play out in the hospital.

1. Begin to think about who you’d like in the labor room with you and ask them. Discuss plans and your wishes for the experience. Also discuss how you will be able to find your support person should your labor start in the... more

Below are some warning signs, if you will, of things expectant mothers considering adoption should be on the look out for regarding the potential adoptive parents you may be matched with.

1. Adoptive parents that do not have a home study. You can not adopt without an approved home study. 2. Adoptive parents who give you money and the money comes straight from them to you. Any money the adoptive parents may provide you with for living expenses, medical... more

I decided to compile a list of big red flags – things that ought to make you run screaming for the hills if your adoption worker suggests them.

They want to isolate you from friends or family They encourage you to lie to loved ones or conceal your pregnancy They offer to move you to another state to have your baby They pay your expenses while pregnant but you have to pay them back if you choose to parent They encourage you to sign the papers in the hospital They call you a birthmother the minute... more

You have asked the questions and narrowed it down to one or two families and now you want to meet them in person. You are probably feeling very nervous! Don’t worry its normal! And keep in mind, that the prospective adoptive parents are probably just as nervous as you are! This is uncharted territory for all of you and there are so many emotions involved so nerves are expected and normal.

If you are working with an adoption agency or through an adoption professional, typically they will mediate this initial meeting. This is good because they can help you ask your questions and fill any awkward, nervous silences that may occur. Your meeting will probably occur at the office of the... more

In today’s era of adoptions expectant mothers making adoption plans are able to choose the adoptive parents that they would like to raise their baby. This hasn’t always been possible. Older birthmothers were not given the option of choosing the adoptive parents.

Choosing a family can be overwhelming and confusing at times. Before you begin the process of choosing a family for your baby it is helpful to think about what type of characteristics you would like the family to have. Do you want one of them to be a stay at home parent? Do you want the family... more

If you are making an adoption plan, something that you may want to start thinking about is a post adoption contact agreement.

What is a post adoption contact agreement? It is a written communication agreement between expectant mothers and/or fathers and prospective adoptive parents that detail contact between them after the finalization of the adoption. Detailed and child centered, post adoption contact agreements can lay out the future exchange of pictures, emails, phone calls, visits, etc. and include the frequency. Typically, these... more

We often hear about failed matches. Before we go much further, let me define what I mean by the term “match.” In this context, I am referring to the prospective adoptive parents and expectant mother who have been paired up together and are planning to work together in an adoption plan.

Most of the time, failed matches are mentioned in regards to adoptive parents who were matched with a birthmother who changed her mind about placing her baby with them, whether it is to parent or place her child with another family. But failed matches can occur on the expectant... more