An expectant mother considering adoption recently asked me:

“I have recently chosen a couple that will become my baby’s adoptive parents. I still have about ten weeks of my pregnancy left and would like to spend time with the adoptive family getting to know them better however my parents think I shouldn’t. What are your thoughts on this?”

Once I had chosen S and A to be Charlie’s parents and we were moving forward with the adoption plan I, like you, wanted to spend a lot of time with them getting to know them better.

I had a few... more

If you are considering open adoption and are being vocal with this consideration or doing any research, you may see (if you are reading online) and hear from others various myths about open adoption. One of those common myths is that open adoption is comparable to co-parenting. I’ve even heard some people go as far as to say that open adoption is a glorified form of baby sitting or that open adoption is “having your cake and eating it too.”

First of all, let’s look at the definition for co=parenting. Co-parenting is defined as:

An arrangement in which... more

In my last post, I ranted about an adoption agency website that boasted their luxury living quarters complete with a swimming pool and twenty four hour state of the art exercise facility for expectant mothers making adoption plans.

On that same agency website was a page that listed the “possible benefits of adoption for birthmothers.” Some of them were basic “benefits” that I’d read before like the ability to continue your educate without juggling a child and... more

Are you searching for the perfect family for your child? Many times I have heard expectant mothers making adoption plans comment that they are searching for the perfect family to adopt their child. I have seen some mothers choose families pretty quickly as they find a family that meets what they are looking for easily while others may struggle, take a long time looking through profiles of prospective couples, interview and meet with multiple couples, and have a harder time finding a family that meets what they are looking for.

What constitutes a perfect family? Is... more

Are you considering an open adoption plan for your unborn baby? I remember when I first heard of open adoption. Charlie’s adoptive mother, A, was actually the person who explained open adoption to me. There was so much I didn’t know about open adoption and honestly, I’m still learning things about open adoption. We kind of figure it out as we go along.

I’ve been living in an open adoption for over six years now. We’ve done some things correctly and we’ve made our share of mistakes too. Over the years, I’ve also gotten to know other birthmothers and adoptive parents... more

Even though you are considering adoption, you still have the right to bring your baby home from the hospital. Some expectant mothers considering adoption may take their baby home from the hospital with the intent to parent. Some may be successful at parenting while others may decide once giving parenting a try that adoption is still the right decision for them. There are others still that may bring their baby home for an amount of time to have a little more time with their baby fully intending to place their child for adoption once they have spent more time with their baby outside... more

In my last post, I discussed independent adoptions. Now, let’s discuss agency adoptions. Once again, we will start off by defining “Agency Adoptions” from the Adoption Glossary.

Agency Adoptions: Adoption placements that are made by state licensed adoption agencies that screen prospective adoptive parents and supervise the placement of children in adoptive... more

As you are considering adoption, you may be reading about two of the different types of adoption; independent (also called private) adoptions and agency adoptions. There are pros and cons in each type of adoption. In this post and the next one, we will look at both of these types of adoption.

First off, let’s look at the definition for independent adoptions from the Adoption Glossary.

Independent Adoptions: These adoptions are arranged by an intermediary other than an adoption... more

Once you have selected adoptive parents, you must decide what type of communication you’d like with them prior to the birth of your baby.

Do you wish to spend time with them and get to know them? Do you wish to have them at doctor’s appointments with you? Or do you wish to communicate through emails and phone calls? Or do your prefer to have no contact at all?

The ball is in your court with pre-birth contact and you have to decide what option is the best for YOU. There are different theories when it comes to pre-birth contact.

One theory is that spending time with and getting... more

Below are a few things to think about and consider during the process of choosing an adoptive family.

Don’t rush. While you may prefer to find a family during your pregnancy so you can start getting to know them before the birth of your baby, there is no rule that says they must be found and chosen before the birth of the baby. You can still choose a family afterwards so don’t let a near by due date rush you into a quick decision. Consider choosing an adoptive family that already has one (or more) adopted children in open adoptions. Ask to speak to their child’s... more