I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—the single best thing you can be doing for you and your baby right now is to read, read, read. Educating yourself about the realities of adoption will go a long way toward helping you make the right decision. However, if you get tired of hitting the books, you might want to take a break and watch some movies instead. I’ll discuss two of them today.

First, the non-fiction view. Unlocking the Heart of Adoption is a wonderful documentary about adoption, seen from all three sides of the triad. Made by a birthmother, Sheila Ganz, this hour-long... more

When something as big as adoption enters your life, it’s natural to want to write about it. Most people want to share the wisdom of what they have learned and save others from making the same mistakes they did. Unfortunately, some would-be authors just don’t have the skill or the talent to create readable prose, so many memoirs about adoption are just plain bad—-overwrought, poorly crafted, or worst of all, inaccurate.

This is not the case with Jan Waldron’s well-written and occasionally poetic book, "Giving Away Simone." Waldron is a birthmother from the late 1960s who had the... more

In yesterday’s post I talked about writing a letter to your child, one that attempts to answer the big question on every adopted person’s mind: “Why?”

If you don’t know how to begin, one place to start might be to read the words of those women who have gone before you. I know of at least one resource that has collected letters from birthmothers to the children they placed for adoption.

It’s called "I Wish For You a Beautiful Life: Letters from the Korean Birth Mothers of Ae Ran Won to their Children." (Located in Seoul, Korea, Ae Ran Won is a home for women in crisis... more

When you are making your decisions about adoption, it isn’t possible to check out too many books. You should read everything you can get your hands on regarding adoption.

I may discuss some or all of these titles at greater length in the future, but for now, let me give you a brief rundown on some of my favorite adoption books.

Birthmothers – Merry Bloch Jones. Published in 1993, this focuses largely on closed adoption birthmothers. As a result, it feels somewhat dated, but it’s still an accurate picture of life after relinquishment. Not to be missed.

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Though millions of Americans are touched by adoption in some way, the number of new birthmothers continues to decline each year. So, if you decide to place your baby for adoption this year, what size group will you be a part of?

The National Adoption Information Clearinghouse (NAIC) has some interesting statistics.

Because relinquishment is no longer a common occurrence, there are no really good sources for data nationwide, but we do know that voluntary placement of children for adoption is fairly rare in the United... more

Ethica (www.ethicanet.org), an organization started by adoptive parents in hopes of stopping ethical abuses in adoption, has a great article online about why it's a bad idea to allow attorneys to arrange adoptions. The link is here.

I especially appreciate this article because it's written by an attorney, Kitty Vickers, who also happens to be a social worker and an adopted person. With her triple role, she really knows what she's talking about, from all sides of the fence. Although she is writing to potential adoptive parents in this article, her words also... more

I often say that there are no books to teach you how to become a birthparent, but in reality, some authors have tried.

One of the better efforts I've seen is Jeanne Warren Lindsay’s Pregnant? Adoption Is an Option: Making an Adoption Plan for a Child. Published in 1996, the book offers a surprisingly progressive view of adoption. It does a better job than most of helping expectant parents weigh their options, while avoiding undue pressure from those who dearly want the baby they're carrying.

Adoption is an Option isn’t a perfect book, but my quibbles... more

As you browse through adoption web sites, you should also be looking at parenting sites. If you’re thinking of adoption mostly because you don’t have an active or present partner, I suggest you check out single parenting resources. Here are three sites to get you started:

About.com’s site for Single Parenting includes information on budgeting, expenses, childcare, legal issues, and scholarships Parents Without Partners is a national support group with local chapters ... more

Fear is a common feeling for any parent-to-be, and there is even more fear for expectant parents in a crisis pregnancy. Not only are you worried about the crisis pressures like money, housing, timing, childcare, or general disapproval, but you face all the same large-scale worries other expectant parents face (“Will I be a good mom or dad? Will my baby be okay in this big, scary world? What can I do to make sure my child turns out well?”)

Because they are not as connected to the pregnancy experience (and are often shunted to the sidelines), men can feel even more of... more

Recently I’ve been focusing on the bigger-picture issues in crisis pregnancy, but now I want to turn your attention to more practical details. As you struggle with your decision, you’re sure to want to know what Web sites to visit, what books to read, and how to find current birthmoms you can talk to about what living with adoption is really like. Fear not: this is a topic we’ll return to again and again. For today, I’ll begin by listing just a few Web sites.

The first site I recommend is from Brenda Romanchik, an adoption educator and birthmother. Brenda has a terrific open adoption and a great lifelong relationship with her son Matt (now an adult) and his birthfamily. She has... more