How Do You Tell People?

March 20th, 2013

pregnantEither you've gotten the two pink lines,  or your doctor has just informed you that you are indeed pregnant. Your mind is awash with the fact that this wasn't a planned situation. Your heart beats a little faster, maybe you cry a little. Perhaps you are confused because you were safe and had used contraception. Whatever the case, you are now informed that you are pregnant. What's next?  Before you figure out what you want to do regarding your pregnancy, I suggest finding someone to talk to about your pregnancy. This could be a therapist, a family member or a friend. Find someone who will support you unconditionally and won't rush you into making a decision that isn't yours. At this stage of… [more]

Living to Love

January 31st, 2012
Posted By: on Crisis Pregnancy

For those who know, I am a birth-first mother who has experienced two unplanned pregnancies--one in adulthood and one in my teens. I have always had a "modus operandi"--a way of handling difficult things. Something in common with both pregnancies-- I ran away from responsibility, didn't face the truth of the situation and when things got tough I found a way to cope. I escaped into video games, and TV and decided to not face the change that would happen, whether I was ready or not. With the first born, Kenny, I celebrated and my pregnancy was very public and I was unaware of what it would take to become a parent. I had a ton of people come visit me in the hospital, and my family even welcomed me back into the… [more]

The Love that Lets Love Go

January 11th, 2012
Posted By: on Crisis Pregnancy
Categories: Uncategorized

heartNo greater love could there ever be a love that encompasses sorrow

Not even the darkest night can smother its heavenly light

It holds the broken and weary, embraces the torn parts and puts them together whole

This love stretches and grows within wiggles and kicks and sings lullabies

This love lets go leaving empty arms and leaves an ache that time cannot touch.

This love lets love go.

I was looking at a picture when I wrote this poem, of a mother's hand holding a baby's new little feet. In captions on the side it said "She did a beautiful thing". What can I tell you that you… [more]

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Becoming A Birth-First Mother

January 6th, 2012
Posted By: on Crisis Pregnancy
Categories: Decisions, Emotions

heartThis has been a subject on my heart for a long time, something I haven't been sure about how to approach until now. My pregnancies were really difficult emotionally and physically, as I spent one preparing to parent and one to place 7 years after that. Both choices are hard, and both have long term effects on your life. There was a lot of dark times when I was pregnant both times (ages 16 and 25), but I will focus on Phoenix's for the purpose of this blog. I remember fear so deep that it paralyzed me and kept me downtrodden, depression that could have capsized the Titanic with a thought. I didn't have a lot of family support and spent my pregnant life simply… [more]

The Hows and Whys

November 18th, 2011
Posted By: on Crisis Pregnancy

heartSomeone asked me along time ago why I chose adoption. For me it was as simple as a switch; on or off, right or wrong? It was also very complicated choosing which way to go, but eventually love found a way. I was in a pretty destitute situation at the time, living from hand to mouth. Basic survival was a fight both mentally and physically. Somewhere in the mess of my head, something said, "Wake up and smell the coffee then deal with it." So I did. There are some people who say, "Adoption is an easy way out."  To those, I would say some unkind words and make them regret they ever thought that. Why? Because it was losing a child, and the grief… [more]

The Joy of Simply Being

November 14th, 2011
Posted By: on Crisis Pregnancy
Categories: Uncategorized

skyA thought struck me as I was watching my friends 5 month old daughter, and 5 year old daughter...happiness. They didn't have to strive to have to achieve it, or work, or have money, they were simply joyful. Now you might be asking yourself how this relates to adoption, but why not? As a birth-first mother I struggle as I always have it seems with simply being. Even when I was a kid I was always aiming to be happy, and because I didn't fit the mold pre cut by my family or by the world around me I ended up in some major depressive episodes as a kid.
Looking back at my experiences

Taking Care of Yourself While Sorting through Your Options

November 14th, 2011

963185_pregnancyTaking care of yourself is one of the most important things you can do, especially if you're pregnant--whether it's a planned or unplanned pregnancy. However, this may be difficult to do while you're sorting through your unplanned pregnancy options. The process of sorting through your options can be long, tedious, and sometimes overwhelming, as you have many facts to consider, but taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally is a crucial part of making an informed decision. And an informed decision is the best decision you could ever make. Mentally: During this important period of decision-making, your mind can seem to get in the way sometimes. And because of this, it's important to take some mental breaks throughout the process. When you… [more]

Open Adoption: Does He Know?

September 1st, 2011

nellieIt truly amazes me as I look back, how much one child changed me life forever. After receiving pictures in the mail from the adoptive family today and secluding myself into my room I really looked at them. As tears slipped down my cheeks my only thought was this: Does he know how much he is loved? I may not be an immediate part of his life, but I am the one who carried him for 9 months, and held him as my own for four days , when he was really never mine to begin with. I loved him for our four days, with such depth that I lost sleep, just to squeeze every minute out of the hospital experience. I loved him, and… [more]

Open Adoption: My Journey

September 1st, 2011

mountain_roadWhen I was a little girl, I never dreamt I would become pregnant and place a child for adoption. I didn’t understand until I saw the caseworkers walk out the hospital door with my newborn son Phoenix, the finality of my decision. It was heartbreaking and for awhile I struggled with where I was in that. The great part of my story, the part I reflect on when times are hard is the perfect family he became a part of. I didn’t have a family picked out. He was going to a foster family, whom I knew nothing about. When I met the foster mom, I asked her how my baby was doing. When she replied, I was blown away by her authenticity… [more]

Make a Scrapbook for Your Baby!

July 28th, 2011
Categories: Scrapbooking

scrapbook_23One more week and baby boy will be here! One thing that I have started to do finally, is make a scrapbook so when he goes home with the adoptive parents, he will have it forever. I think that this is very important because you can give your child a book about whatever you would like. One thing that I recommend doing prior to making the scrapbook is asking the adoptive parents if it is okay to create the book and maybe some of the pages that you want to create will not overstep any boundaries either of you guys have. You have to make sure that they are okay with some of the content of the book. After all, they are… [more]