Yesterday I talked about some programs and places that exist to help you as you face an unplanned pregnancy. The truth is that no everyone is looking out for your best interests or even the best interest of your child. Knowing some things to avoid or some red flags to look for at places that should be beneficial to you might help you discern what is and is not a good program for you to utilize.

Red Flag #1:

They offer conditions to their... more

When you are facing an unplanned pregnancy, it may feel like no one cares about your well-being. You may feel alone, scared and unsure of how to proceed with the care of yourself and your child. In fact, figuring out how to care for your child while feeling alone can make it all the more difficult.

The good news is that people do want to help you! Perhaps, at this moment, that list of people doesn't include your parents but, trust me, even they might come around sooner than you think. Grandchildren have a way of doing things like that to grandparents.... more

A program is raising some eyebrows and questions with how they are "preventing" teen girls from having unplanned pregnancies. In short, they get paid to not get pregnant. No, really. The program is a slightly more complex than that, though not much.

Girls in the program attend 90-minute meetings every week at which they receive lessons in abstinence and the use of contraceptives — and they receive $7 every week they do not get pregnant. The money is deposited into a fund that's collectible... more

With movies like Juno and television shows The Secret Life of the American Teenager throwing pregnant teens at us left and right, I was pleased to see a movie like Away We Go. Why? It shows us something important, something that those arguing about how every unplanned pregnancy should result in adoption seem to forget. Adults get pregnant, too. Unexpectedly and unplanned, adults find themselves facing a pregnancy. And, shock of all shocks, it can happen to people who are in committed long-term relationships.

Who knew?

More... more

I refused to watch The Secret Life of the American Teenager on ABC Family for the first two seasons. I really had no desire to sit through a long, drawn out storyline as to whether or not a teen girl who got pregnant would place the baby for adoption. Every time I saw someone mention the show online, the word adoption followed shortly behind. My head kind of exploded. Was a television show geared at teens going to make the decision to place look easy? Or downplay the grief and loss associated with relinquishment? Or ruin the process like every other movie or television show has done in the past?

Turns... more

I just told you not to let the economy scare you into relinquishing your child for adoption. But the question remains: should you place your baby for adoption? What reasons are good reasons to make such a decision? What are "bad" or not-so-good reasons to do such a thing?

Some people, especially those that regret their decision to relinquish, say that "adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Your biggest task right now is to separate... more

There's been a lot of talk about how the downturn in the economy is "forcing" expectant parents to place their babies for adoption. There have been "big" articles about how the economic downturn is leaving mothers with no option but to place, thus boosting the adoption rate for waiting families. While I don't want to dis anyone's decision, I want those who are still making their decision to consider some very important things about an economic downturn like we are currently experiencing.

Before I tell you all the reasons why basing your parenting versus... more

I have talked with many an expectant mother over the past few years. For those mothers who are actively pursuing an adoption plan for their child, I have seen something disturbing crop up over and over. These well-intentioned mothers often refer to the child growing within their own uterus as the potential adoptive parent's baby.

Don't get me wrong: I understand what they're doing. I understand it because I did it.

I was reading back through some of my journal entries during the time that I was pregnant with the daughter that I relinquished for... more

Finding out about an unexpected pregnancy can be different from the happy scenes portrayed in movies and on television. For me, my partner did not greet me with long stem roses upon his return. My parents did not jump for joy. And if a soundtrack had been playing, as if we were on television, I'm sure it would have been a sad lament or even something with a more ominous tone. It really wasn't the best of circumstances.

For me, I didn't even recognize that my period was late. I have a very irregular cycle. I always have and I still do. In fact, I... more

Many birth mothers look back on their pregnancies and wish they’d done more to celebrate their motherhood as they carried their child to term. Crisis pregnancies are sometimes stressful and full of difficult decisions, but you should still try to enjoy the nine months you have with your baby.

An unplanned pregnancy can feel like a "mistake." Shame and fear can pile up, and unsupportive friends, family or partners can cause you to ignore or downplay your pregnancy. Don't let youself fall into that trap!

If you take a longer-term view, however, you... more