Crisis Pregnancy

No greater love could there ever be a love that encompasses sorrow

Not even the darkest night can smother its heavenly light

It holds the broken and weary, embraces the torn parts and puts them together whole

This love stretches and grows within wiggles and kicks and sings lullabies

This love lets go leaving empty arms and leaves an ache that time cannot touch.

This love lets love go.

This has been a subject on my heart for a long time, something I haven't been sure about how to approach until now. My pregnancies were really difficult emotionally and physically, as I spent one preparing to parent and one to place 7 years after that. Both choices are hard, and both have long term effects on your life. There was a lot of dark times when I was pregnant both times (ages 16 and 25), but I will focus on Phoenix's for the purpose of this blog. I remember fear so deep that it paralyzed me and kept me downtrodden, depression that could have capsized the Titanic with a thought. I didn't have a lot of family support and spent my pregnant life simply… [more]

Someone asked me along time ago why I chose adoption. For me it was as simple as a switch; on or off, right or wrong? It was also very complicated choosing which way to go, but eventually love found a way. I was in a pretty destitute situation at the time, living from hand to mouth. Basic survival was a fight both mentally and physically. Somewhere in the mess of my head, something said, "Wake up and smell the coffee then deal with it." So I did. There are some people who say, "Adoption is an easy way out."  To those, I would say some unkind words and make them regret they ever thought that. Why? Because it was losing a child, and the grief… [more]

Taking care of yourself is one of the most important things you can do, especially if you're pregnant--whether it's a planned or unplanned pregnancy. However, this may be difficult to do while you're sorting through your unplanned pregnancy options. The process of sorting through your options can be long, tedious, and sometimes overwhelming, as you have many facts to consider, but taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally is a crucial part of making an informed decision. And an informed decision is the best decision you could ever make. Mentally: During this important period of decision-making, your mind can seem to get in the way sometimes. And because of this, it's important to take some mental breaks throughout the process. When you… [more]

It truly amazes me as I look back, how much one child changed me life forever. After receiving pictures in the mail from the adoptive family today and secluding myself into my room I really looked at them. As tears slipped down my cheeks my only thought was this: Does he know how much he is loved? I may not be an immediate part of his life, but I am the one who carried him for 9 months, and held him as my own for four days , when he was really never mine to begin with. I loved him for our four days, with such depth that I lost sleep, just to squeeze every minute out of the hospital experience. I loved him, and… [more]

When I was a little girl, I never dreamt I would become pregnant and place a child for adoption. I didn’t understand until I saw the caseworkers walk out the hospital door with my newborn son Phoenix, the finality of my decision. It was heartbreaking and for awhile I struggled with where I was in that. The great part of my story, the part I reflect on when times are hard is the perfect family he became a part of. I didn’t have a family picked out. He was going to a foster family, whom I knew nothing about. When I met the foster mom, I asked her how my baby was doing. When she replied, I was blown away by her authenticity… [more]

One more week and baby boy will be here! One thing that I have started to do finally, is make a scrapbook so when he goes home with the adoptive parents, he will have it forever. I think that this is very important because you can give your child a book about whatever you would like. One thing that I recommend doing prior to making the scrapbook is asking the adoptive parents if it is okay to create the book and maybe some of the pages that you want to create will not overstep any boundaries either of you guys have. You have to make sure that they are okay with some of the content of the book. After all, they are… [more]

It is July 10th and I am 37 weeks pregnant and counting. I am obviously showing at this point in my pregnancy but not as much as you might think. I am still waiting tables like I would if I wasn't pregnant and every single person that I come into contact with now asks how far along I am and of course I have to ask them how far along they think I am, it's only fair. Four months is usually what I get and I giggle, explain that I have about two weeks left and I love the reaction I get. They all start asking the normal questions of the baby's sex, if I have chosen any names and everything else under… [more]

The choice to place your baby for adoption might not make anyone else in your life happy, but you have to remember, this is your decision. You will be the one taking care of the baby for the rest of your life if you don't make the choice to place. Not ANYONE else. Of course there are certain circumstances that might arise that the baby might not be able to stay with you, and that would be even worse for your little one to bounce around from place to place. You have to do what is right for your baby. My boyfriend, the father of my beautiful unborn baby, brought adoption up to me as soon as we found out that I was… [more]